


Eat, Pray, Love Again

by adia90



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Light Angst, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-07-29 07:50:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 34,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16259861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adia90/pseuds/adia90
Summary: Tessa Virtue's botched attempts to moving on from one Scott Moir.





	1. Chapter 1

She has been friendzoned all her life by one Scott Moir. 

They were a couple back in 1997 and they broke up due to peer pressure. He was her first boyfriend. When her outgoing skater partner had asked her to be his girlfriend, young Tessa immediately agreed. She had an enormous crush on the talkative boy, who was so well-liked at the skating rink.

However, their relationship was only short lived. Scott, embarrassed by the teasing of his brothers and friends, had dropped her like a hot potato after a few weeks of dating. Despite that, she had the best of memories being his girlfriend; he had bought her peonies, her favorite candies and at one time, he had even given her a Marvin the Martian pillow. 

Back to 2019. She stares at her laptop screen. Best flight to Bangkok at $646 one way. It was tempting to click the button 'Buy Now'. It is finally nearing the of January, where everything is a lull. TYCT was done. Profit sharing distribution was done. A quarter of both Scott’s and her profit goes to a non-profit for future skaters and some goes to the family of Humboldt survivors. 

And, it is finally time she gains some perspective. 

For once she wants to quit being Tessa Virtue for awhile and just… be. Maybe as Jane McCormick? 

Jane McCormick strolling around in the streets of Bangkok. Taking in the sights of Ayutthaya. Climbing the stairs of some of the most beautiful temples in Chiang Mai. While getting away from being single and pathetic on Valentine’s Day.

The pointer hovers over the Buy Now button again. 

“Hey, T.”

She jumps.

His laughter grates on her nerves. She can’t catch a break. Not even in her own house. What’s a girl to do to get over the man she has loved for the past 21 years? 

“You’re not watching porn, are you?” 

She scoffs. “In my glasses for full HD experience you mean,” she replies dryly. 

He ignores her and proceeds to invade her personal space. “Bangkok, T? Cool!” he shouts, squeezing her shoulders tightly. Then he frowns. “One ticket and one way?”

She scrambles to close her laptop. “I was just surveying the price.”

“Are you going with Jordan?”

“Ah, the idea just came to me today,” she lies.

He scrutinizes her. “One way though?” 

Think quick, Tessa! “Urm, I was thinking of coming back from another city.”

His beautiful hazel eyes widen, looking hopeful. “Can you run the idea to me real quick?”

“You’re teaching, Scott.” She really doesn’t want him to tag along. She’s supposed to be on her Eat, Pray, Love pilgrimage and having the object of her unrequited affection saddling her along is not going to bode well.

“Are you telling me you’re going to Thailand alone?”

“I told you I just thought about it today.”

He narrows his eyes. “What have you done to the real Tessa Virtue?”

“What do you mean?”

“The Tessa I know plans everything to a T, pun very much intended.”

She rolls her eyes and nudges him off of her. It was getting warm. She tracks to her kitchen and sees a large pizza box sitting on the island. 

“Movie night?” Scott asks, appearing from behind her, his face hopeful. 

She purses her lips. He always does this. Springs things on her last minute. And sporadically. Living in two separate houses doesn’t mean anything to him. What if she has a man over? Well, it is highly unlikely as she is still not over him, but what if? 

“Please? I want to catch up on The Conjuring before catching up with The Nun.” He blinks those puppy-dog eyes.

Tessa groans. “Scott, you know I won’t be able to sleep later.”

He grins. “I’ll keep you company.”


	2. Learn Your Way Around Loneliness

She blinks at the feel of somebody playing with her hair. 

“Hey, good morning, sleepy head.”

Those hazel eyes this early in the morning is going to kill her. She shuts her eyes again quickly, in hopes that it’s another boring Saturday for her to endure without her skating partner testing her limits. She swears she had parked him in her spare room the night before.

“Hey, hey. None of that. Come on, wake up!” 

She groans. “You’re too chirpy in the morning, Scott.” 

“Come on, T,” he pesters, climbing into her bed and under her duvet. “I stayed up a bit last night and figured out a route for us. And coffee Is ready,” he says, trying to sweeten the deal.

She frowns, her eyes bleary. She’s sure she must have looked like a sight. “What route?”

“The route for our great South East Asia escape!”

She gapes. And gapes. 

“Aren’t you excited?”

She sighs and sits up to lean against her headboard. She stares at him. “Your fans will forever think I’m cockblocking you from finding a proper girlfriend,” she mutters. 

Scott splutters. “What are you talking about?”

“Are you sure you want to go on vacations together? I don’t want to hurt your chances in getting to meet ‘potential life partners’,” she asks, her tone too serious for 8 am, her fingers making quoting signs. 

It is the first time she has ever mentioned the podcast with Anastasia.

He leans back against the headboard alongside her, resigned. “Does that mean you don’t want to go on vacations together, ever?” he says, his excitement winding down. 

She shrugs. “According to you, my presence has profound effects on your dating life,” she says her best without malice.

He groans. “You’re twisting my words.” She watches in dismay as he grabs his hair, creating a mess of the growing luscious locks.

She places a hand on his arm gently, trying to convey her message. “All I’m saying is, we are finally free of our obligations, so I think this is the best time for you to… mingle.”

He turns those maple syrup babies on her, intensity in full force. “Are you seriously thinking of going to Thailand alone?”

Silence. She fiddles with her fingers, a faraway look on her face.

“Do you have someone else going with you that I don’t know about, T?” 

She frowns. “What are you implying?” 

“Do you want to go with a boyfriend that I don’t know about?” he asks, his face stoic.

“No!” she vehemently denies. How ridiculous!

His face softens. “Then why can’t I go with you, kiddo?”

_Because I want to put some miles between us to forget you and you can’t even allow me that. Because I don’t want to fall even deeper in love with you when you hang around. I need to detox you from my system. It’s 21 years in the making, I need to move on from you._

All goes unsaid. She remembers how good a friend he is, and it feels so selfish of her to push him away out of her life just because she feels like her heart is flailing. It’s not exactly his fault that her heart refuses to listen to her brain. 

She inhales deeply. Let’s take one for Canada. “Okay, Scott. Let’s do this. Let’s do Thailand together.”

“You sure?” he asks, his voice filled with hope, his eyes in excitement.

_I’m not but your pretty pretty eyes are doing things to my resolve._ She gives him a placating smile. “Sure.”

“Great! I’ve booked our tickets!”

“Scott!”


	3. This is a good sign, having a broken heart.

_**2009** _

The thing with Scott, she was pretty sure she was in love with him.

And she thought she had made it quite clear to him, by kissing him the night before her first operation. She had sobbed in his arms and ranted about her useless legs, and he had kissed her hair. She had said, “the only way I’m pulling through this is because of you, Scott. I love you.”

When she was crying her heart out feeling like she had nothing to lose, she was so brave.

Her second heartbreak came a decade after, when her skating partner of twelve years went radio silence after her surgery. It took him all of two months to stop by her place in London. There he was, standing at the front door, holding a bouquet of sad looking flowers and a box of Lindt’s sea salt dark chocolate. She gave him a small smile, not one of her genuine ones and showed him in.

“How are you doing, T?”

“Eh, getting by.”

“I see you’re off your crutches.”

“Yes. About a month now.”

He fiddled with his hat. She pulled a loose thread from her sweater.

“I’m sorry, kiddo.”

“I understand, Scott.” She really did. She heard from the grapevine (aka Meryl) that he started going out with Jessica Dube. She had cried herself to sleep and vowed he didn’t owe her anything. He didn’t feel the same, and it would be childish of her to hold a grudge against him. It was, after all, for the good of their skating.

From that moment, she knew it was up to her to bring back their friendship to what it was before it became awkward. Good thing Fedor asked her out a month later and everything went back to normal. True enough, they qualified to Vancouver and won gold the next year.

* * *

 

**_2019_ **

“I’m going to Thailand with Scott.”

There is a pause from Jordan’s end. She hears papers shuffling. High-powered attorneys with their lack of conscience to the environment. “Yeah? They have skating rinks in the tropics?”

“For a holiday.”

Another pause before a whistle. “Is there a recent development that I’m not aware of?”

“No. He went ahead and bought tickets when he saw me on kayak.com. Without consulting me.”

“Ouch.”

“I know. I’m gonna need another holiday after this holiday.”

“I didn’t know you wanted to go to Thailand, T.”

She exhales. “I just… want to unwind. Delete Insta and Twitter from my phone for awhile. Pause Scott Moir’s existence in my life for a good month. I just need to get over him, Jo-jo.”

Jordan laughs. “And boy went ahead and hijacked your plan by inviting himself along.”

Tessa throws her gaze at the melting snow outside her window. Winter in Ontario is harsh, but she can’t bring herself to be excited for her ‘vacation’ in the sun. “Sometimes I’m not sure how else to stop this nonsense. I can’t exactly tell him I don’t want him around because it’s too difficult. But I’m trying, dammit. I’m trying to desensitise myself but he’s not helping. What happened to the time when he couldn’t wait to leave me behind?”

“Aww, T.”

She sighs, feeling guilty. He has been the best version of himself for the past few years, and she couldn’t be any prouder of him. “I know, I know. He’s matured, and we are way past that, yadda yadda. Just, this sucks, sissy.” 

“You need a date.” 

“I need a date.”

“Consider it done.”

“No, wait. I can’t go on a date.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m leaving in 36 hours. That’s why.”


	4. Your Emotions Are The Slaves To Your Thoughts

“You haven’t told me the ticket and accommodation prices. I’ll make the transfer to your account,” she announces, sitting down next to him in the airport lounge. She should feel excited to be going on an adventure of a lifetime to South East Asia, but all she is feeling is wariness.

Scott flashes his trademark grin, where his eyes crinkle up and the whole look just melts her heart. “It’s on me, T.”

She frowns. “Geez, Scott. It must have cost you a fortune. Let me pay the flight ticket, at least.” 

“T, you know we both can afford it. Just relax,” he placates her. “Almond milk mocha at your service,” he says, holding a cup of hot coffee in front of her face.

“You’re too good for me, Scott Moir. You shouldn’t,” she says, touched. He’s always thinking about her, making the whole getting over him business more difficult. “And since this is a best friends trip to conquer the tropics, you should at least let me pay my part.”

She notices his smile wavering. “Come on, T. If you still insist, you can cover our spending there. Cool?” he replies, squeezing her free hand.

“Deal.”

The flight to Bangkok takes forever, with a layover in Shanghai, but somehow Scott manages to keep her entertained with his usual shenanigan.

“I’m thinking, after Thailand, let’s go to New Zealand! You’ve never been, right? Or did you when you were down in Aussie?”

Tessa buries herself deeper into her seat. _Let me get through Thailand in one piece first, God_ , she prays. Besides, they have never broached the ‘Year of Yes’ too deeply before. She had spent some of it sporadically across the country, visiting Jordan in Australia and just anywhere outside the vicinity of Ilderton and London, somewhere far away from Scott and Kaitlyn. 

“I dunno, Scott. When would we ever find the time?” 

He pouts. “But we have plenty in June, right? Or are you going to be busy?” 

She purses her lips. Twelve hours in and he’s still looking gorgeous. Just her _luck_. “Well, I’m not too sure,” she confesses. She actually leaves all of June and July free just because. She’s looking forward for some time at the lake and maybe a few weeks off to somewhere with Jordan. “Or, what if, by that time, you’re already hooking up with some hot chick and you don’t want me around to cramp your style?” she suggests, her eyes huge in faux excitement.

He rolls his eyes. “I doubt it, T. You won’t ever be cramping my style cause you’re my home girl,” he replies, giving her a dopey grin. He tugs on one of her hands and squeezes. “Please? I really want to see Milford Sound!”

She sighs. “Let’s see how Thailand goes. If you’re not bored with my company by the end of this trip, why not.”

He pshts at her. “Have I ever grown bored of you over the past 21 years?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Really? We’re going there?”

He gives her a sheepish smile, remembering their not-so-stellar past, especially pre-Vancouver and post-Sochi. Wordlessly, he reaches over and pluck out Tessa’s Aeris neck pillow from her lap.

“Hey,” she complaints.

“Might as well give it to me since you’re gonna fall asleep on my chest anyway,” he replies nonchalantly as he slips the pillow around his neck.

The blush that blooms on Tessa’s cheeks are instantaneous. “Touché,” she mumbles.

* * *

**_2013_ **

The first girlfriend to accompany Scott to international competitions was Cassandra. Previously, Tessa and Scott would be sitting side by side while travelling. On the flight to Japan for Four Continents, she boarded a bit later as she was running late and found that Scott was already seated next to Cassandra.

She took being booted from her designated seat next to her partner in stride. She found out later that her seat partner was indeed Marina, and it was awkward as they were already at the stage where she was already wary of the Russian woman.

From that moment onward, she made it a point not to sit next to her ice-skating partner while travelling. Cassandra disappeared after Sochi, but she was adamant to continue sitting separately. “We are in each other’s faces twenty-four seven otherwise, Scott. Why not get a reprieve from me for a few hours,” she had replied when asked.

“But I haven’t seen you for months before we started our training, T,” he had reminded her. They were invited to participate in Art on Ice in Switzerland in 2015, and Tessa had requested for a separate aisle since they found out that the flight wasn’t full.

She gave him a small smile. Kaitlyn unfortunately couldn’t make the trip as she had a tournament in Moose Jaw. “Why don’t you catch up on sleep and we’ll gossip after we land. You won’t miss me much, trust me,” she replied, patting him gently on his arm. 

The first international competition during their comeback in 2016 was in Japan. She had asked to be seated next to Romain, claiming to pick his brain on the brand new ISU grading. 

“Kiddo, I could use your moral support,” Scott pouted.

“As opposed to the past 19 years?” she joked, raising an eyebrow.

“One of these days I’m gonna make you sit next to me.”

“I know you just want dibs on my snacks and my pillow,” she narrowed her eyes playfully.

He stared at her for awhile, before relenting with a soft smile. “You’re absolutely right.”

* * *

**_2019_**  

“Hey, kiddo.”

She rubs her eyes, groaning at the kink in her neck. Morning light filters through the window, illuminating Scott’s face, whose eyebrows are scrunched up close together.

“They are going to serve breakfast soon,” he says, still frowning. “Why didn’t you pull up the hand rest and lie on me as usual?”

She chuckles, her voice still hoarse from sleep. “Scott, contrary to popular beliefs, I am fully capable of falling asleep on my own.” She rubs on her sore neck. “Are we there yet?”

He gives her a good stare before reaching over to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. She freezes at the unexpected gesture. “Nearly. We are somewhere over the South China Sea. They have Chinese chicken porridge with fried breadstick and dim sum. Which one do you want?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Woo, fancy. Do I have to choose?”

Scott flashes her a grin. “Nope.”

He ends up ordering chicken porridge for her, and dim sum for himself, for both of them to share.

After landing in Suvarnabhumi, he buys them both a tourist simcard, downloads Grab app and order a ride to their apartment.

Tessa looks on impressed. “You figured everything out on your own, eh?”

“I knew you were busy with the sponsors, T, so I thought I should handle everything about the trip.”

She gives him a grateful smile. She really shouldn’t complaint so much. “Thank you, Scott. I really appreciate it.”

When Scott tells the Grab driver their hotel address, the Thai man whistles. “Are you on honeymoon?” he asks with a grin.

Tessa blushes. Scott laughs and squeezes her hand. “No,” he answers, no elaboration provided.

When they finally arrive at the hotel, Tessa’s jaw drops. “Holy shit, Scott.”

He shrugs and steps out of the taxi. Two staff in traditional Thai uniform come to greet them. Tessa marvels at the beauty of the intricate linen and the perpetual smile on their faces. She puts her hands together in front of her chest, mimicking them in order to greet them properly. She’s already loving Thailand. But something is bothering her.

“Psst psst. How much does a night here cost, Scott? A kidney?” she hisses. 

Scott rolls his eyes, pulling her along by her hand gently towards the reception. “Can you relax?”

Chakrabongse Villa sits at the edge of the Chao Phraya river, giving it a romantic ambience surrounded by nature. Normally she would be Insta-storying this place, but to announce to the world that she is on vacation together with Scott would upturn the fandom.

_Nope, not going there._

Besides, she has deleted both apps from her phone before leaving two day ago. She is officially disconnected from social media for the next four weeks.

She makes do with simple photos and taking simple videos for memories while waiting for Scott to check in.

She hears Scott calling her name and she jogs to catch up with him.

They are brought to a suite closer to the riverside. Each suite is isolated, with its own garden and bordered by shrubs for extra privacy. Tessa’s heart quickens, every nook and corner of this place screams romance, and here they are, two supposedly platonic business partners. 

“Here you are, Mr. and Mrs. Moir. I hope you enjoy your stay. Your welcome drink will arrive in a few minutes. Please take a look around and do inform us if you need anything,” the pretty Thai girl says, smiling and tipping her head respectfully. 

Tessa opens her mouth to reply but alas, the door closes in her face. Her heart thuds in her chest. She braces herself before turning to face Scott.

“Urm?”

The man scratches the back of his head and gives her a sheepish grin. “I saw the room on booking.com it was crazy beautiful, T. I mean, we get awesome amenities for the price of 1, so why not share the room, eh?” he explains, stepping closer to her.

She believes she was gaping. Scott reaches out for her hands, squeezing them softly in his. “You don’t mind, do you?”

She bites her lips and follow the tug of Scott’s hand to the balcony. The view of Chao Phraya overlooking Wat Arun is majestic. She could imagine waking up to the sunrise along with the view. The king size bed is adorned with intricate woven bed cover, looking inviting with its fluffy pillows. There is a small nook for kitchenette and a small dining table overlooking the verandah. He pulls her along the hallway which opens up to a full bath with jacuzzi. 

She is as good as speechless.

“Say something,” he pleads.

“Where do I sleep?” she whispers softly. Everything looks amazing, but she can’t fathom sharing a bed with him without driving herself crazy.

“On the bed, of course! I’ll sleep on the couch,” he replies quickly, looking flustered.

Her face softens. “No way, Scott. We came all this way for vacation and you’re not sleeping on the sofa.” They step into the bedroom together, hand in hand. She gulps looking at the huge bed. “Besides, both of us and all the pillows in the world could fit on the huge bed, so you don’t have to worry about kicking me out of it in the middle of the night,” she jokes.

He rolls his eyes playfully. “Look who’s talking.”

She narrows her eyes. “That was one time, Scotty. One,” she emphasises, thinking back during the time when they shared a bed before Vancouver. Totally platonic, of course.

He laughs. He pulls her into a hug before tumbling them both down on the bed, giggling loudly. “We’re in Thailand, T!”

She giggles too, feeling surreal. “Yeah, baby! Thailand, here we come!”


	5. There's A Crack In Everyone

**_2013_ **

Tessa looked on to Scott and his girlfriend, Cassandra, with a heavy heart. She was hot, thin and a Miss Universe contender. How do you go against a beauty queen of that level?

“Hey, kiddo! You’re up for hockey this evening? My team is short since Averman’s on his night shift.” 

She could hear Cassandra’s not-so-subtle whisper. “She can play hockey?”

“Eh, Tutu can hold her own. She’s the Jill of all trade on ice.”

Tessa gave him a small smile. “Sure, Scott.”

“Thanks, kiddo. I’ll see ya later. Beer’s on me.”

With that, he turned to face Cassandra before groping the woman’s butt in a heated kiss. Tessa took that as a sign to piss off and wallow in self pity.

* * *

 

**_2019_ **

Jordan: Hi sissy. How’s Bangkok?

Tessa: Swell. Checked in at Chakrabongse Villa. Scott made the booking. Check it out online. 

Jordan: Holy shit, sissy. Scotty went all out, eh?

Tessa: We’re sharing a bed tonight. S-O-S.

Jordan: LOL. You’ll do fine, kiddo. If you want, clothing might be optional.

Tessa: Jo-jo! I’m going insane here! I keep on picturing us in that jacuzzi. Help!

Jordan: T, you know I approve. LOL. Maybe Scotty boy needs a bit on incentive.

Tessa: I told you, Jo-jo. I wanna get over him, not complicate things more.

Jordan: Just think about it. He’s gone all out and booked you guys a room in a freaking honeymooners’ hotel.

Tessa: He said it’s the view and the amenities, seriously. And the location.

Jordan: Seriously.

Tessa: You’re supposed to discourage my worsening one-sided infatuation, Jo-jo.

Jordan: All I’m saying it might not be one-sided after all, T.

* * *

Tessa almost chokes at the sight that greets her upon opening her eyes the next morning.

“Good morning, T. How did you sleep?” he greets her breezily, like he isn’t standing only in a flimsy towel tied low around his waist while rummaging through his luggage. She has seen him in many states of undress before, but nothing as personal as of now.

That curve of his ass beyond that terry towel though…

She stifles a groan and buries her head deeper into the pillow.

She hears his chuckles before feeling the bed dipping to the side. “Rise and shine, kiddo. I think you’ve gotten enough rest from your jetlag. Chop, chop! We’re exploring temples and the Grand Palace today,” he announces.

She peeks from behind the duvet and sees that he’s sitting on the bed wearing a pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs, while drying his hair with the towel. Her eyes almost fall to his crotch, before her brain screams ‘abort!’, ‘abort!’ with the sound intensity of a missile. To divert her attention, she croaks out a question to him. “What time is it?”

“It’s 7.30 in the morning. About 8.30 pm Montreal time. I’ve put off waking you up for awhile, I went for a jog by the river, had my first cup of coffee, saw the monks receiving alms. I’m feeling pretty lonely, kiddo,” he replies, jutting out his lower lip in a pout.

“Did you have breakfast without me?”

He shakes his head, a few droplets of water dripping onto the bed. “I wouldn’t dare,” he deadpans.

Tessa giggles, eyes strictly above his neck line. She pushes the duvet to the side before grabbing a sundress from her luggage.

They tour the Grand Palace and visit the Temple of Dawn, or famously known as Wat Arun. They marvel at the beauty of the worship place. She pauses to admire the intricate design, pays her respect and takes a few photos to send back to Jordan. 

“I wonder if the crown prince is around,” Tessa muses. There are so many tourists of different nationalities buzzing around, all hoping for a glimpse of the royal. They know that the king is absent due to the empty flagpole.

“Unfortunately, T. Thailand as of today has no crown prince, as the current king has exiled all of his sons,” Scott explains. “I’m sorry you can’t have your date with the royal today.”

“Oh, durn it,” she jokes. “I wonder what propels him to exile all his sons.”

After a day under the hot sun, they return to their villa for a much-needed rest. “I’m gonna try out the jacuzzi. You in?” Scott asks.

Tessa claps her hands giddily. “Definitely! But first, let’s try the pool.” 

They take turns to change into their bathing suits. After Tessa comes out from the bathroom wearing a black one-piece with a plunging neckline, she swears she could hear Scott choking.

“Are you ok?” she looks at him in concern.

He nods his head frantically, his face red.

“You sure?” 

After a few gulps of breaths, he gives her a cheesy grin. “Yes, T. Come on, let’s hit the pool.”

They swim a few laps before sitting at the ledge, just swinging their legs in the pool.

“So, kiddo. We have all of February and March to ourselves. What’s in your planner?”

Tessa gives a small smile, looking out at the river. “Try to complete the rest of the three and a half credit hour, I think. Join a cooking class. Get ahead with my designs for both Bonlook and Hillberg. Netflix?” she ends on a questioning note. She is not sure whether she would have the energy to enjoy TV again.

“Only? No chill?” Scott jokes, raising an eyebrow.

She bursts out laughing. “That was a horrible one, kiddo. Yeah, why not, Netflix and chill. You’d think Tinder might work for me?”

She realizes Scott’s jaw tensing. “No. No Tinder,” he replies, shaking his head. He tends to worry about her, it makes sense.

“Oh. Jordan wants to introduce me to some guys who are friends of Liam. Should be a better prospect, I guess,” she continues, shrugging.

“Jordan, huh?”

“Yep. So tell me about you. How’s the dating scene?”

He looks down at his feet in the water. “Nonexistent,” he mumbles.

She snorts. “You’re kidding me, right? I swear half of Gadbois would jump at the opportunity to date you, not to mention the general consensus of women aged 20-30 within Ontario and the rest of Canada.” She squints for a moment, remembering. “In fact, I think this is the longest you’ve gone without a girlfriend, Moir.”

Scott purses his lips, shrugging.

“Is it because of me?” she asks quietly. 

He glances up at her, his hazel eyes hard to read for once. “What do you mean?”

“Am I cockblocking you, Scott Moir? I mean, I did have the history of being the uncool, whiny partner to your high-schooler self,” she reminisces. 

He chuckles. “You were never uncool. I was such a brat to you. And T, not to sound conceited, but if I’d wanted to simply get laid, there’d be nothing stopping me.”

Tessa purses her lips, avoiding eye contact. Well, he was never short of admirers, that is fairly true. “Then how is it that you, Scott Patrick Moir, serial monogamist, chooses the golden era of your Olympic success to stay single?” she asks, intrigued. 

“Well, I could ask you the same thing, Tessa Jane McCormick Virtue.”

 


	6. Eventually, Everything Goes Away

**_2013_ **

“Hey, Tess. I thought you’d be gone,” Scott said, surprised to see Tessa standing outside the locker room. 

She fiddled with the zip of her hoody. “You wanna hang out? It’s your birthday,” she said shyly.

He scratched his head and wrinkled his nose. “I’m going out with Cass.”

Her face dropped. Why didn’t she think about that? Of course his super hot girlfriend had no qualms driving two and a half hours to see him. “Oh, cool,” she replied, lamely.

“Don’t give me that face, T.”

She tried to school her features. “What do you mean?”

“I need a break from here too, okay? Not everything is about skating,” he said. What he really had wanted to say, not everything is about you, she thought bitterly, taken aback by his speech.  

“I know, Scott. I just thought it’d be nice to treat my best friend of sixteen years on his birthday, but if you think it’s too much of a chore to hang out, just let it go,” she replied, before turning on her heels and walking away. 

“I didn’t mean it that way,” he called, but he didn’t try to catch up with her.

“Yeah, I know. Happy birthday,” she called back, not bothering to turn to face him. 

In 2014, she didn’t bother. She knew he was with Kaitlyn, so she assumed he was plenty busy and happy so he wouldn’t miss another well wish from her. 

They were with a bunch of people in CNE in 2015 when it fell on Scott’s birthday. She woke up that morning, went through the warm up with him and almost forgot to wish him ‘happy birthday’ until Jeff shouted it from across the rink.

“Whoops, happy birthday, Scott!” she had said, in the middle of their twizzle.

She could hear his laughter. “Well, at least you remember this year!” She knew that everything would eventually be okay between them.

* * *

 

_**2019** _

The sky rumbles and they experience their first tropical rainstorm under the blanket, watching Mariska Hargitay interrogating a rape victim in fluent Thai. Jacuzzi is postponed for the time being. 

The next day, they make their way to Chatuchak weekend market. Tessa looks at her surrounding in awe. So much food to try and the clothes! Scott laughs when she tries to choose between ordering a coconut or a mango ice cream.

“Why don’t you order the coconut and I’ll take the mango,” he suggests.

“But you don’t even like ice cream, Scott,” she protests.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything," he says, squeezing her waist. 

They share their dessert as they walk around the largest weekend market in the world. They buy a few souvenirs and Tessa buys some jewellery and a few pairs of harem trousers. “These feel so comfy,” she gushes. Scott, being the good shopping partner that he usually is, helps to carry some of her war spoils.

Walking deeper in between the stalls, they stumble upon one selling fried insects. She braces herself from making a face, it would be rude as to some of them, they are a staple to live by.

“Fancy yourself some crickets, T?”

Tessa grins. “YOLO, Scott?”

His eyes bulge. “Uh huh. NOLO!” he replies, shaking his head.

She laughs. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Um, maybe in rock climbing or skydiving?” he replies, incredulous.

“Come on, you amateur. Silk worm is good for building muscle mass.”

He looks at her dryly. “You’re shitting me.”

She grins. “I’m so shitting you. But who cares, I wanna sample myself some silk worm!”

She greets the vendor with a sawadee-ka and proceeds to point to the pile of fried fat worms. Rubbing her chin, she points to the crispy-looking crickets next. “Why the heck not,” she says.

“I’m willing to do a lot of things for you, Tessa Virtue, but you’re carrying your insects yourself,” Scott announces.

Tessa rolls her eyes. “They are pretty dead and not going to jump into your shirt, Scott.”

“I’m not gonna take any chances, thanks.”

They choose to sit by the river back at their hotel to test the food. Scott gulps. “This is one hell of a dessert, T. You sure you don’t want to order anything to wash it down with?”

“Good idea,” she replies, holding up a hand to call a waiter passing by and orders two Chang beer.

She rubs her hands together, a grin on her face. “Moment of truth!” 

Scott laughs at her excited face. “I’m going to document this for future filing into the folder of ‘Top 10 Tessa Virtue’s Insane Moments’”. He holds up his phone the moment she put a silk worm in her mouth. “So?”

She chews delicately, dabbing her mouth a little. “Hmm, chewy,” she replies. And adds. “Creamy?”

Scott makes a face. He points to another lump in the plastic bag. “Try the cricket next.”

“Why don’t _you_ try them?” she says, pushing the plastic bag to him.

He shudders and pushes it back her way. “Nope. At least one of us has to stay alive to tell our family on why you had the food poisoning from hell.”

She rolls her eyes. “Always so dramatic.” She picks up a cricket, turns it around in between her fingers. “Hmm. Head first,” she decides, before delicately biting its head off. Scott’s camera shutter goes off again. 

Scott shudders again. “Diving headlong, I see.”

She ignores him and chews. And chews. “Urm, I think its leg is stuck in my esophagus. Hand me the beer,” she orders.

Scott gags. He watches as she takes a healthy gulp of the beer, before putting the other half of the insect inside her mouth. She chews and chews, and gulps more beer.

She leans back against the chair, throwing her gaze at the peaceful flowing river. And burps. “That was a good dessert,” she speaks nonchalantly.

And Scott bursts out laughing. 


	7. You're Wishin' Too Much, Baby

**_2014_ **

“Scott?” 

He squeezed her hand in his. The crowd was deafening. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

A pause. He gave her a small placating smile. “I know, kiddo.”

They ended up with a silver. Sometimes she thought maybe she had jinxed it by saying ‘I love you’ in a different context to him. Maybe he knew how she had meant it, maybe he didn’t, but he never acknowledged it.

The next day after their medal ceremony, she saw him kissing Kaitlyn from curling in the dark and she knew, she had to be stronger than she was the day before. Losing to Meryl and Charlie had broken her heart, but seeing Scott kissing another woman yet again, shattered it beyond repair.

It was never going to be her time when it came to Scott Patrick Moir.

* * *

**_2019_**  

“Hey, sweetie. Wake up for me please.”

Her eyes flutter open. The warm skin of Scott’s chest greets her vision. Stumped, she pulls back but finds herself in the cocoon of his arms.

He smiles at her, his eyes sleepy. “Look out the balcony,” he whispers.

She turns around in his embrace and is greeted by the most beautiful sunrise over the Chao Phraya. She feels the arms around her waist tighten. “I’m happy I’m sharing this view with you, kiddo,” she hears him speaking softly.

She nods along, absentmindedly playing with his fingers on her stomach. They have been in similar positions before, usually pre-competition, just to calm their nerves. But it has been almost a year, the last was in Pyeongchang. Contrary to popular opinion, they don’t fall asleep together in the same bed often.

It’s always good to lean back against him, all solid muscles and man, but she doesn’t make it a habit. Once the sun has risen fully above the horizon, she pulls away, putting a distance between them.

They get ready side by side, brushing their teeth in front of the mirror. Scott steps out to allow her to shower, and after donning a long sundress, she calls for him to take over the bathroom. He appraises her silently.

“What? Not my best look?” she asks nervously, fiddling with her fingers.

Wordlessly, he steps forward and leans down to plant a kiss on her exposed shoulder. “Exquisite, as always,” he says simply, before stepping into the bathroom.

That reaction, generous as usual, creates a delicious shudder through her system.

Scott Moir, your daily dose of charm.

She squares her shoulders and puts on her strappy sandals.

She chooses to wait for him at the breakfast parlor. The spread is as spectacular as the days before, therefore there is always a crowd. The only vacant seats are with two elderly ladies sitting by the Chao Phraya.

“Hello ladies. Is it okay if my friend and I book our seats with you?” she asks politely with her PR smile in full-wattage.

The one with short spiky white hair grins back and nods her head. “Hello, lovely! Come, join us!”

Tessa places her bowl of rice congee gently before pulling the rattan chair out. “Thank you so much. Oh, I see you’re eating the sticky rice! I want to try that next!”

The auburn-haired woman nods her head excitedly. “You definitely should! I love the custard on top and the fresh coconut milk. I’m going to get some of those fried bread thing. I see people dipping them in warm soy milk.”

“Oh, my best friend Scott loves that! We tried it on our flight here,” Tessa enthuses. She loves the smell of fresh soy milk.

As if on cue, she sees Scott approaching and gives a little wave. The two women turn on theirs seats and are immediately charmed by the patented Moir smile.

“Your best friend, you say?” the auburn one repeats, skeptic.

“Yes. Of twenty years,” Tessa reaffirms.

The white-haired one shakes her head. “Damn, girl. Are you gay? Or, does he prefer sword fighting?”

Tessa laughs. “Uh, I like men and that guy over there certainly loves women.” Yep, a whole lot of them, she notes.

The two women sneak another look at the approaching Scott. “Would you just look at that bum?” 

“How about that jaw?”

“Hello, ladies,” Scott greets as he nears the table. He bends down to place a kiss on Tessa’s hair. “Hey, beautiful. What you got there?”

“The congee again. I’m loving it!”

He laughs and squeezes her shoulder. “I’ll get your coffee for you.” He looks up and flashes a grin at his admiring crowd. “How about you ladies? What can I get you?”

The women coo at him and decline his help. After appropriately enough compliments, he departs for the buffet table.

“Lovely! How are you not jumping his very delectable bones?” the auburn one hisses.

Tessa laughs, albeit half-heartedly. Even thirteen thousand kilometers away from home and she still can’t catch a break. “No, it’s not like that with us.”

The white-haired lady snorts. “The way he looks at you feels like he wants to impregnate you on the spot, lovely.”

She chokes on her congee and blushes. “No, he’s just a super affectionate person,” she replies lamely. The two women look at her disbelievingly while shaking their heads. Damn you Scott Moir and your charms, she thinks.

The two ladies bide them farewell after exchanging tips on how to travel around Bangkok. “Don’t forget to visit the Ratchada Rot Fai night market. You’ll love it!”

Scott orders a taxi to drive them up north to Ayutthaya. They strike a deal with a tuk-tuk driver to bring them around the ancient city. After touring the tombs and monument, they stop by the floating market for lunch.

“Look, Scott. I’m not too sure. This color or that color for Char? Poppy is pink all the way, absolutely. Char is fierce in her own demure way? Maybe this navy?” Tessa says, holding up two different souvenir dolls in different shades of blue.

He smiles at her before reaching over to hug her close to his chest, as if their proximity sitting side by side in the long sampan is not enough. “I think you’re right. You always know them best. Aunt T this, aunt T that. Uncle Scott is just chopped liver,” he replies, shrugging his shoulders.

Laughing, Tessa makes her decision and pays the little girl who is manning the stall. She signals the girl to keep the change in her pocket and waves the little girl goodbye. The girl gives her a huge toothless grin and blows her a kiss.

“This has been awesome, Scott. Thank you. I wonder what’s on our itinerary next?” she asks him in the midst of stuffing her face with fried calamari. The Thais have plenty of tricks up their sleeves when it comes to cooking. Everything has been delicious so far. She has yet to eat something that she doesn’t like.

Scott smiles, reaching over to rub off some chili dip at the angle of her mouth. “You’re a messy eater, Miss Virtue.”

She sticks out her tongue to avoid from blurting anything embarrassing. She pays close attention to the pad thai on her plate, escaping the sudden intense gaze of her partner.

“So, after Bangkok, we are going up north to Kanchanaburi and all the way to Chiang Mai and Pai. I heard it’s a pretty happening place up there now, Then, we head down south to Ko Chang, an Island off the gulf of Thailand. Four days on the beach, how does that sound?”

“Oh!” she enthuses. “Sounds excellent! I can’t wait!”

“Anddddd I keep the best for the last, Railay Beach and Phuket. How about that?”

Her grin almost falters. Sun, beach, Scott in a swim trunk, shirtless, tanned? “Ooh, now you’re talking!” 

She vows to try her best to come out of this vacation sane and alive.


	8. You Need To Learn How To Select Your Thoughts

**_2015, Art On Ice_ **

“I’m cashing in on the gossip sesh.” 

Tessa laughed. She pulled down her leg from the rail. “Are you seriously still on that? Nothing much happened between Osaka and here, I tell you,” she replied, stretching her other leg.

“Well, we didn’t talk much in Osaka too,” Scott pointed out, leaning against the railing.

“It was pretty packed, wasn’t it?” she said, wrinkling her nose. She loved Japan like anything, but the previous Stars on Ice was hectic.

“You did spend a day with Evan,” he argued.

“He wanted to see Harajuku. I couldn’t say no!” And you were busy moping because Kaitlyn couldn’t come. I’d pass.

“Fine. Tell me things,” he demanded, folding his arms to his chest.

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. What do you want to know?”

“How are you?” he started, a frown still etched on his face.

Her heart melted slightly. “I’m good, Scott,” she replied gently. “Alive and kicking!” she added, laughing a little while giving out a little kick.

“How’s Semple?”

Her smile dropped. “We’re kinda on a break.”

“Oh.” His frown dissipated. “I’m sorry, T.”

She shrugged. “It’s okay. We’re both too busy. Are too far apart.”

Scott pursed his lips. “Well, Kaitlyn and I are far apart too, but we try to make it work,” he argued. He went silent for awhile. “I’m thinking of moving to Winnipeg.”

Tessa raised an eyebrow. An empty nest for Alma and Joe? She was not sure how that gentle woman was going to handle losing her baby.

“Yeah. Things are getting pretty serious,” he added.

She gave him a smile. “That’s good, Scott. I’m happy for you.”

Finally, a smile from him. “Thanks, T. Ya know, I think Kaitlyn might be the one.”

Her smile grew despite her heart wilting. “Does that mean I can be the best woman? I’ll wear a tux and everything.”

He laughed. “Yeah, you gotta fight for that spot with Danny and Charlie, I think?”

“Game on,” she replied, giving him a thumbs up.

He pulled her in a sideway hug. “I hope you’ll find your Kaitlyn soon, T. I want you to be as happy as I am.”

* * *

 

**_2019_ **

“You sure you don’t want to do the Chao Phraya cruise?” Scott asks for the umpteenth time. He looks a little disappointed.

Tessa clips on the new earring she bought from Chatuchak. With the rate she’s shopping for goods and souvenirs, she may need to fill up space in Scott’s luggage too. “I’m feeling positive vibes from this,” she looks down on the piece of paper where she has scribbled the name of the night market they are going to. “Rat-cha-da Rot Fai night market,” she pronounces. Her eyes excited. “I mean, did you see the size of that lobsters and shrimps in the YouTube video?”

He chuckles at how huge her eyes become at the thought of seafood. “Yeah the video did look pretty awesome.”

She grins as she slips on her sandals. “Besides, you’d start yawning if you were subjected to staring at my face for the whole duration of the cruise. This way I let you escape from torture.”

His smile dims a little. “Looking at your face has never been torture, T.”

She reaches up to pinch him on both cheeks, immediately prompting a chuckle from him. “You’re a walking rom-com, Scott Moir.” Then she grabs one of his hands, effectively pulling him to the door, he breaks out laughing at her antics. “Come on, time waits for no man. Or woman. We need to get to those lobsters stat!”

* * *

 

“Psst.”

Scott turns his head to the side, eyes closed. They are riding in a Grab to their hotel after the feast they had in the night market. The lights and the traffics keep the night Bangkok sky bright. And the food and the booze they had earlier are giving him a slight migraine. “Yep, T?”

“I think this Grab is bed-bug infested,” she whispers. “I’m itching all over.”

Frowning, he opens his eyes, only to get a shock at the look of Tessa’s face. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks, frowning, except, instead of where her frown lines are supposed to be, there are hives complete with both of her upper eyelids swollen.

“T, I think we need to get you to the hospital,” Scott speaks calmly. At least, he is trying to stay calm. 

“For bed bugs?” she asks, incredulous.

“Your face has blown up, T. I believe you’re having an allergic reaction.” 

“Oh, fuck.”

* * *

 

“I can’t believe I ate insects like a champ but ballooned up after a lobster meal,” Tessa mumbles, pulling up her blanket to cover her face. The cannula on her left hand gets tangled with the blanket and after several tugs, she gives up.

Scott, who is sitting at her bedside, laughs. “They are running an allergy test but I don’t think it’s the lobster that was the culprit. It might be the instant noodle in the tom yum soup that got to you.” He pulls down the blanket to her neck level. “Stop covering your face,” he scolds.

“But I don’t want to scare you with my hideous face,” she whines, tugging on the blanket again. An idea forms in her head despite her loopyness from the medication. “Get me my bag, please.”

“Sweetie, you could never scare me off with some hives and swollen eyes. Still looking pretty spectacular to me,” he replies nonchalantly. He hands her her bag, wondering what she has in mind.

Blushing, she tries to sit up a little. She gives him a shy smile. “You’re the bestest friend anyone could ever have, Scotty,” she gushes, her eyes slightly glassy.

Laughing, Scott gives her cannula-free hand a squeeze. “Yep, definitely loopy. The real Tessa Virtue wouldn’t be caught dead using the wrong superlatives,” he jokes.

“Hey,” she complaints, searching through her bag. Her hand finds the intended target. “Voila!” She pulls out her sunglasses and quickly wears them. “I knew my Bonlook would save my life in the future and the day has arrived!”

“You’re such a dork. A beautiful one but still, a dork,” Scott says, shaking his head. “The swelling has come down a great deal after the shot. Don’t worry so much.”

“I’m sorry I spoiled your weekend night in Bangkok, Scott,” she says quietly.

“Eh, it certainly has been quite eventful,” he jokes, squeezing her hand again.

“Hello, Miss Virtue. I think it’s still pretty dark out there. What’s with the sunglasses? Is the lamp too glaring for you?” their doctor, some Asian version of a Greek God according to Tessa, approaches her bed.

Tessa looks star-struck again. Earlier in the ED she had gushed at Scott, “Oh my God! My doctor looks like Henry Golding!”

Scott has no idea who Golding is. He doesn’t look like he wants to know either.

“No, doctor. I just want to hide my horrible swollen eyes,” Tessa replies, pouting slightly.

The good doctor chuckles. Scott’s frowning, but he hasn’t let go of her hand. “Miss Virtue, I assure you, despite the swelling, you’re still very beautiful.” Like an afterthought, he looks at Scott and gives a somehow apologetic smile. “I’m sure your boyfriend here agrees with me.”

“Oh, he’s not my boyfriend,” Tessa blurts.

Scott purses his lips.

“Oh?”

“We’re best friends,” she quickly adds. She feels like a 13 year-old just by saying that.

The doctor takes a look at their intertwined hands and raises an eyebrow. “O-kay,” he replies with a smile. “So your blood pressure, pulse rate and oxygen saturation has been looking good for the past couple of hours so I’m going to release you to the good hands of your best friend,” the doctor continues, giving a friendly pat on Scott’s shoulder.

“What do I have to do, doc?” Scott asks, his concern for her obvious.

“Well, the trick about allergy is, find out what causes it and stay away from it. Your allergy test turned out inconclusive, as per usual,” he says, rolling his eyes. “But one thing for certain, seafood wasn’t the cause of your allergy,” he explains.

Tessa pushes up her sunglasses to her forehead in excitement. “So I can eat more lobster?” she asks.

“Yes, Miss Virtue. You can,” the doctor reassures, flashing her a smile.

She almost melts at the sight, her drowsiness amplifying the effect. Two hot men standing guard around her bed is too much for her to handle. “Scott, did you hear? I can eat more lobster!”

Scott laughs, patting her head affectionately. “Yes, I did, sweetie. But I think stick to poultry and meat for awhile, eh?”

“You are no fun, Scotty.”


	9. I Crossed The Street To Walk In The Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, lovelies. Had to drive out early morning for a meeting. Here goes. I'm sorry for the slow build :)

**_2015_ **

Tessa rubbed her eyes and tried to blink at her phone. Charlie Moir?

“Hey, Charlie. Is everything okay?” she asked, heart in her throat. It had been awhile since she last saw one of her favourite Moirs (actually, most of them were her favourite, her ex-skating partner being the least due to unforeseen circumstances). For him to be calling her at 2.14 in the morning was scaring her a bit. 

“Hey, big hands. I’m so sorry to disturb you at 2 in the morning.” 

“It’s okay, Charlie. Now tell me, how can I help you?” 

He chuckled. “Always so accommodating,” he chided. 

She laughed. She would always try her best to help the Moirs. They were always so good to her and her family. 

“Listen. Are you in London?” he asked, his voice serious.

“Yes?”

“Scott called. He’s at The Tavern.”

“Okay?”

“Alone. Pissed out of his mind.”

She sighed. Kaitlyn must have been out of town again. “I’ll be there. Did you talk to the bartender?”

“Yeah.” There was silence for a beat. “We owe you, kiddo.”

Still in her pyjamas, she made her way to the pub downtown. From the entrance, she could spot the familiar mop of hair slumped on the high table.

“Scott?" 

He turned his head to face her, his face lightened up. “Hey, T!” he shouted. “My T is here!” he announced to nobody in particular. 

She gave the bartender a tight smile.

“You’re his T?” he had asked. 

“I’m T, alright. But I’m not sure about this being ‘his T’ business,” she replied, shrugging. 

The man cringed. “You’re cold, lady.”

“Ah well. It’s 2.45 in the morning. I don’t feel like being all warm and cuddly. How much does this one owe you?” she asked, pulling out her purse while trying to keep Scott from falling off his stool.

The drive to her place felt like forever. She didn’t have the heart to wake Alma in the middle of the night just to deposit her drunk son home. She felt grateful for her kickboxing and pilates classes as she hauled him into her house.

“You gotta work with me here, buddy. I need to close the door,” she chided as she tried to balance his body against the wall. 

“You always smell so good, T. I miss this exact scent of strawberries on you,” he slurred, strawberries sounded more like _stow-barry_.

“Yeah? I can’t exactly say the same for you, Scott. Cause right about now you reek.” She walked him to her couch, mindful of his head as he flopped on his back ungracefully. 

He turned his head sideways to face her, who was squatting by the couch. His hazel eyes were bloodshot. “Why you being so mean?” he pouted. 

She sighed, running a hand through his hair to tame it. “You did make me drive all the way to town at 2 in the morning. I deserve a little right to be mean,” she said, although she had no idea why she bothered because she was sure he wouldn’t recall the conversation in the morning anyway. She started the process of peeling off his shoes and jacket.

“I’m sorry, T. I am always making you mad,” he said, his tone a bit whiny, a tad childish.

She tucked a blanket around him and exhaled. “I’m not mad at you, Scott.”

“Then how come you never call anymore?”

She gave him a sad smile. “The phone works both ways, kiddo.”

“Sometimes I just want to hear your voice, but I’m scared that you won’t pick up,” he confessed, his eyes blinking rapidly. He revelled in Tessa’s touch and purred like a cat.

“I will always pick up when you call. You’re my best friend.”

He sighed, snuggling closer. “You’re mine, too, T. But I have all this feelings for my best friend. Like I want to kiss you and see what happens.”

“I don’t think that’s wise, kiddo.”

“Why not? I remember how you looked when you kissed me those years back, T. It was the most beautiful sight. I want to see it again.”

Damn Scott Moir making her blinking back tears at 3 in the morning. “Because you’re with Kaitlyn.”

“I want to be with you, T. I miss you so bad, it hurts here.”

She shook her head. “Try saying that sober, kiddo. And we’ll see how.” 

She woke up to his groan and a kink in her neck. It took her awhile to realise that she fell asleep on her carpet in the living room by the couch, trying to take care of a drunk Scott Moir. She could hear somebody’s muffled ring tone.

“Hey, baby.” She could hear Scott greeting the caller.

_Sober Scott was back_.

She turned on her side on the carpet, away from his face. Away from last night.

* * *

 

**_2019_ **

“Hey there, beautiful.”

She blinks her eyes, seemingly dazed at the sight that greets her. Waking up to Scott Moir’s chest in two consecutive mornings are doing something to her cardiovascular. Her body is pressed close to his warm one, her cheek on his naked chest. 

She makes a mental note to make an appointment with a cardiologist. All that palpitations must not be good to her heart. Damn Scott Moir for sleeping shirtless. 

“How’s your head?” he asks, squeezing her waist while his free hand plays with her hair.

“Urm,” she garbles. Her head feels slightly heavy. She recalls last night’s incident, and promptly touches her face. “Shit. Am I still swollen up?”

Scott laughs, pulling her hand away from her face. “You’re fine,” he soothes.

She breathes a sigh of relief. “I don’t ever want to go through that again. No matter how cute the doctor was,” she mumbles.

“Hey,” Scott says. “You were not supposed to be ogling your doctor.”

“I can’t help it?” she says defensively.

Something flashes in his maple syrup eyes. A look that resembles his determination before each skate. It scares her a bit. “All the talk about this doctor is kind of hurting my feelings,” he starts, raising an eyebrow.

Tessa frowns. “Why?”

“Because,” he says, lifting his free hand from her hair. She feels the loss but ignores the feeling. “One, I was the one who brought you to the hospital,” he continues, ticking off with his finger. “And I was the one who held your hand when they were pricking you. I have battle scars from your nails ripping my skin off,” he complaints. 

Tessa rolls her eyes. “I wasn’t ripping your skin off. You are _so_ extra.”

“Besides the point,” he argues. “Third, I was the one who carried you to bed when you were so loopy from the drugs last night. Andddd I helped you remove your make up. And brushed your teeth.”

“Hey, I brushed my own teeth!” she intercepts, pushing down Scott’s finger to make a point.

“Well, I was the one who put the toothpaste on,” he retorts, his bottom lip sticking out in protest.

She rolls her eyes again. “I imagine the hardship.”

“I demand compensation. Or some kind of reward,” he announces, his face in mock serious.

Tessa bites her bottom lip, refraining a laugh. “Fine. State your demand."

A patented Moir smirk blooms on his face followed by his usual on-ice smoulder. Tessa is feeling pretty afraid. “I want a proper thank you.”

“Do you want an official-looking letter of appreciation and a medal or something?” she asks cheekily.

“Well, if you insist,” he says, shrugging. He leans in, his fingers back in her hair. “I have something simpler in mind of course.”

She shudders a little at the feeling of his fingertips massaging her scalp. “Okay. I’m all ears,” she replies. She hates that it sounds so breathy.

“First, I think I’m due for a shoulder massage. My last physio was a few weeks ago.” 

He is so good with his fingers. On her scalp. She refuses to think of their usage somewhere anatomically lower. “Done.”

“Some words of appreciation might be helpful too.”

Her eyes flutter close as he massages her temple. She feels his lips leaving butterfly kisses along her widow’s peak. “Fine. Thank you for being my knight in shining Hudson Bay last night,” she mumbles, subconsciously squeezing his waist. 

“Hmm. You left out a few adjectives there,” he whispers, burying his face in her hair.

“Narcissistic, you mean?”

“Now, you’re just being mean.” She could feel him actually pouting.

Laughing, she pulls back, looking him directly in the eyes. “Okay, okay.” She braces herself, clearing her throat, prepping as if she has an Oscar speech to deliver. Scott chuckles. 

“I express my heartfelt gratitude to Scott Moir of Ilderton for being the best partner, the most handsome man I’ve met, rocking the best hair among all men,” she pauses, running her hand through said hair, earning the biggest laugh from Scott. 

She grins and continues. “The kindest pair of beautiful hazel eyes, the best smile, the best heart, the best friend anyone could ever dream of having.”

His eyes soften, with a hint of humor in it. “That’s more like it, kiddo. But I think you gotta jazz it up a bit. Not glitzy enough.” 

“What do I need to glam it up?”

“Hmm.” He pushes a strand of hair from her face. “Maybe a hug will sweeten the deal?” he ponders, looking at her neckline, contemplating.

“Scott, I’d hug you any day.”

He smiles. “Why not start today?”

Her heart melts. They meet in a warmest hug, her head cradled on his chest. She thinks back to their tour back in October, where Scott had to bare his chest on an almost daily basis for their audience pleasure. She’s feeling all sorts of unplatonic feelings starring her best friend and his very well defined chest. “Thank you. This trip has been a blast so far, allergic reaction notwithstanding,” she says.

“Anytime, kiddo. I’m sorry I gave you a hard time. I was just pulling your leg,” he murmurs, kissing her again on her temple. She has to build an immunity to that, she thinks, before she succumbs and begs him to kiss her where it matters. 

“I know. But I’m really grateful to have you around to take care of me.”

“Kiddo, you took care of me plenty of time. I shouldn’t have to remind you.”

“We’re a pretty great team, huh?”

“We are.”


	10. I Want God To Play In My Bloodstream The Way Sunlight Amuses Itself On The Water

**_2015_ **

The sun was already sweltering. Tessa hiked silently, glad that her breathing was still regular. The view was spectacular. Climbing the Great Wall of China? Check. Thank you, Beijing Olympic Committee.

“Hey, T?”

She turned her head to see Scott following close behind, albeit slightly panting. “Yep?”

“I went to your room last night. You were out?” 

“Oh, yea! I went out to get some chocolates and supper.”

He pursed his lips. “You were out for quite some time.”

Tessa slowed down and took a gulp from her water bottle. “I walked to the nearby night market. The choices were overwhelming so it took some time,” she replied, laughing.

He frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me that you wanted to go out for supper?”

She gave him a placating smile. “I know you were tired.”    

“We are here in Beijing together, T. I’m never too tired to go to supper with you,” he said, visibly upset.

She wasn’t sure of what to say. She didn’t mean to isolate him by going alone. Sometimes she just felt like solitary walks. Living alone in London and sometimes Toronto the last couple of years made her a creature of habit. And it had been awhile since they hung out, she didn’t feel like dealing with awkward silences. “It’s no big deal, Scott. Don’t worry,” she replied gently. 

It took him a few moments before clearing his throat. “I wanted to discuss something with you,” he said, looking down at his shoes.

She felt sad at the state of their friendship. Who knew that they would come to this? Uncomfortable moments with tentative speeches. “Shoot,” she said, keeping an open mind.

“I want to compete again.”

She froze. She looked up to see him looking directly at her. She was sure she heard right.

“Say something,” he said, slightly pleading.

She sighed, leaning against the bricks that had withstood the test of time. She wondered how many life-changing conversations had the walls and bricks stood witness to? “What do you want me to say?”

“Say yes, T. I think we deserve another chance?”

“We are retired, Scott. That part of our lives are over,” she said, gripping her water bottle tight. _That part of my life with you is not something I want to relive. Please._

He took a step forward, but never too close. Not like before where breaching her personal space was his favorite routine. “Tell me honestly. Are you really settled?”

She was quiet. _I’m trying to be. Please don’t insinuate yourself into my life unnecessarily again,_ she begged. “What does Kaitlyn think?” 

He looked down to his feet. “I haven’t told her.”

“You should, Scott. She’s your life partner. You guys made plans. She’s supposed to be a component of your decision.” 

“Kaitlyn and I have… separate plans now.”

She didn’t feel like asking further. He’d tell her in due time. For the time being, it wasn’t her place to prod.

“I promise this time it’d be different, kiddo,” he spoke again, steadily holding her gaze. 

Once upon a time, she took his words at face value. “I’ll think about it.”

For the first time in days, she saw a hint of a real smile. She marvelled at it, how it transformed his whole face. He reached forward to grab her hand, squeezing it gently. “Thank you.”

* * *

 

_**2019** _

“Hi, Q!”

Quinn waves enthusiastically from the other side of the world. “Hi, aunt Tessa! Hi, Uncle Scott! I miss you two!”

Tessa coos, touching a hand to her heart. “Aww I miss you too, baby girl. Have you been good for mommy and daddy?”

Quinn grins, flashing a gap in her upper row of teeth. “Yes, I have. You and Uncle Scott staying out of trouble?” she asks with the innocence of a child. 

She exchanges glances with Scott, who is smirking. “I’m always good, baby. I can’t say the same about your uncle, though.”

Scott pinches her playfully at the waist. “Stop making me look bad in front of Q, T.”

A brunette enters the frame, waving enthusiastically at them. “Hey, you guys! How’s Thailand? I haven’t seen any tan yet?”

“We’re working on it, Nic. How’s the brood? I’ve bought something for the girls but I have no idea what to buy for the boys.”

Nicol smiles. “You’re the sweetest, T. Maybe some toys or cool T-shirts?” she suggests.

“Hey, I feel like I should earn some brownie points because although Tessa was the one who chose them, I helped to carry them around in her heavy luggage,” Scott complaints. 

“The best gentleman around,” Tessa says placatingly, patting him on his chest. 

He snaps his fingers before pointing at her, winking. “Know it.”

Tessa rolls her eyes playfully.

A throat clear and a familiar face appears on the screen. “You guys, no flirting in front of a minor.”

Scott groans, rolling his eyes. “Charlie.”

Charlie laughs. “Hey ya, Big Hands! I heard you ate a cricket like a boss but entered the emergency after a lobster?" 

“Scott!”

Scott cringes and tries to avoid Tessa’s hit on his shoulder, but to no avail. “I had to tell somebody, kiddo. I was concerned,” he argues.

Both Charlie and Nicole laugh. “He was shitting his pants panicked! He was blaming himself for allowing you to order whatever it was that caused your allergy.”

Tessa’s heart melts at the thought of him fretting. She reaches up to squeeze his hand which is slung on her shoulder. “Aww, Scott. It wasn’t your fault. If at all it’s mine for being the overeager eater.”

“Ok, you’re still connected to us here in Ontario and get to flirting at your own time, kids.”

“Charlie,” Nicol chides, chuckling. “Are you at the train station? Where are you off to next?”

“We’re going north towards Chiang Mai before coming down south to Phuket later.” 

“Ooh, definitely pictures! I want to see all the sexy bikini pics. Living vicariously through you here, pretty!” Nicol coos, giving her a salacious look.

Charlie frowns. “Hey, you have some scandalously sexy bikini pics. What are you talking about?”

Nicol blushes and pushes her husband out from the frame, cackles following her wake. “Charlie!”

Tessa laughs. Those two are always a hoot. “Aww, I miss you guys.” 

“Urm, guys? Is that your train moving?” Nicol speaks, pointing to their back.

Both Tessa and Scott look over their back and yelp at the sight of their train jolting slowly. “Oh, shit!” Scott curses. 

Charlie and Nicol burst out laughing. “Call us back when you make the train!”

Tucking his phone into his pocket, he grabs his luggage with one hand and Tessa’s with the other. She Is already running towards the track, grabbing on one of the railing before propelling forward into the coach. She lands gracefully on both feet, cheering a little. Then she turns around, both hands out. “Toss me the bags,” she calls out. 

Scott shakes his head, still running with the bags in both hands. “Back away, Tessa. I don’t want to hurt you,” he calls back.

“Don’t worry, I’ll catch them!”

“No. Go back!”

“I am an Olympian alumnus with 5 medals to my prowess. Toss me the damn bags, Scott Patrick Moir!”

Scott’s eyes bulge at Tessa full-naming him. The next moment, he takes a plunge and tosses the bags to her. She catches them like a pro before holding out her hand for him. “Take my hand,” she orders, while another holding on the railing.

He obliges and jumps, just in time for the train to gain more speed. The impact propels them to slam against the side wall, his reflex prompting him to place his hands behind her head.

They pant, more so due to the adrenaline rather than the exertion.

Tessa breaks out laughing. “Can we spare at least a day free from drama?”

“What? And lead boring lives?” he scoffs. “Never!”


	11. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was down with a nasty head cold. Apologies. One chapter to go before Scott's POV, I think. Thank you for reading :)

**_2015_**  

“Do you think I could put up forever here by the lake?”

Jordan raised an eyebrow. Both of them had massive love for their lake house, but real lives got in the way and eventually they would return back to the city. Tessa in particular had made several visits to the lake house alone this past year, citing taking some time off to unwind.

She knew her little sister had been restless since Sochi. She had suffered not only from losing in her career, Jordan knew it had cost her the most important relationship in her life too. From Charlie and Danny, she knew that Tessa had ceased all contacts with Scott outside of skating. It started after Charlie asking Tessa a favor to pick Scott up from a pub down town.

“I think you’ll miss the city too much,” Jordan joked, squeezing her sister’s shoulder affectionately.

Tessa chuckled. “That and the absence of Timmie’s within walking vicinity is definitely going to kill me.”

They laughed good naturedly and continued to stare at the setting sun.

“Talk to me, sissy,” Jordan said gently.

Tessa sighed. “Scott wants to go to Pyeongchang.”

_Oh, Scott_ , Jordan fretted internally. She loved the boy like her own brother but lately he wasn’t being too kind to her sister's heart. She didn’t know what had happened after the pub pick up, but she knew it was something huge that made Tessa to finally throw the towel in their relationship.

“When did this happen?”

Tessa shrugged. “He asked in Beijing.” 

“T, that was about a month ago,” Jordan admonished.

“I _know_. I just can’t bring myself to think or talk about it. Just when I thought about…” Tessa stopped talking. She exhaled. “I’m just so fucking _done_.” 

“With skating or with him?”

It took her a few moments to acknowledge. “Both.”

“You can’t hate him for not reciprocating your feelings, T,” Jordan advised gently. 

Tessa laughed bitterly. “If only it was that simple.”  

Scott had to know how much her sister loved him. She had no idea what was going on in his head, but according to Charlie, it wasn’t pretty. He was getting drunk every other night and it was a few weeks since Kaitlyn’s last visit.

No matter how much Jordan loved the boy, she didn’t want him to use her sweet sister as some sort of emotional crutch.

“I don’t hate him,” Tessa announced after a few minutes of silence. “I just, don’t think it’s healthy for me to be so emotionally attached to him. I’m beginning to love this distance. Therefore Pyeongchang is going against everything I’ve worked for the past year.”

“I get that logic,” Jordan replied, nodding. “But don’t you ever crave that again? Going for competitions? Another medal?”

Tessa pursed her lips. “Sometimes. But do you think it’d be worth it?”

“What is?”

“The pain. I’ve known him for the past 18 years. It’s kind of an unbreakable pattern now,” she said so nonchalantly, Jordan wanted to cry.

“Did it kill you the first few times around?”

Tessa stared at her sister. Jordan of all people knew how much her heart broke after each of Scott Moir’s stunts.

“Exactly. You came out stronger,” Jordan continued. She pulled both of her sister’s hands in hers, squeezing them tightly. “Only you are able to determine whether it’d be worth it.”

“Charlie called me, and begged me for a favor. He’s not doing well at all,” Tessa whispered. “I don’t know what to do, Jo-jo” she whimpered.

Damn Charlie, for asking the impossible from her baby sister. He didn’t need to put that kind of pressure on her, Jordan thought sadly. 

“You have always been his saviour, baby girl. But it’s time you think about yourself too.”

* * *

 

**_2019_ **

Kanchanaburi is a stunning location with a sad history. Nestled near the edge of the mountains, close to the Myanmar’s border, the town is infamous for its Death Railway. Built in 1943 by the Japanese during World War II, it witnessed the death of more than a hundred thousand civilian laborers and Allied armies during its construction.

Tessa and Scott visits the JEATH Museum and the war cemetery before making their way to Hellfire Pass, which was one of the most difficult section of the railway to build. The laborers and prisoners had to cut through a large rock manually, working 18 hours a day under very harsh condition. Tessa sheds a tear listening to the narrative on the portable recorder, telling stories of the hardship ridden with malnutrition, starvation, cholera, dysentery, malaria, to name a few.

The next day, they book a tuk-tuk to bring them to a place called Erawan Waterfall, where they experience first-hand swimming in a waterfall within a tropical rainforest. The seven-tiered waterfall is located in a national park, where it houses many protected species of flora and fauna.

“My God… I can’t get over how beautiful the waterfall is,” Tessa gushes, taking a video of the surrounding. Scott nods along in awe. He snaps a few photos before looking for a spot to put their waterproof bags.

Removing her sandals, Tessa strips off her cover up to reveal her tankini. She hears a groan from the back and turns to see a very red Scott. She frowns. “Hey, you okay?”

The man nods, inhaling deeply. “Too hot,” he answers curtly, pointing to the sky, averting her eyes and fanning himself. 

“I told you to drink more water. You didn’t listen to me,” she nags, pulling her water bottle out to hand over to Scott. He takes it wordlessly before gulping down a quarter bottle.

Tessa braces herself as Scott removes his T-shirt for the swim. She likes to watch but makes herself look away the moment he is done. So far she hasn’t gotten caught, she thinks? Besides, sleeping next to the shirtless man for the past few nights might have primed her a bit to the situation.

The sight of his chest and abs will never get old. And in particular, his shoulders and deltoids. Has she mentioned his glutes? Platonic business partners can still look, right? She rolls her eyes at herself before trotting down the slope to the water.

“Wait for me!” Scott calls out, hastily throwing his sandals to the side. 

Giggling, Tessa tiptoes to the water and jumps in. The turquoise water is cooling to her skin, and she exhales gratefully as she turns on her back to float and closes her eyes.

She realises that she hasn’t heard any splash of water a few minutes later and opens her eyes to investigate. Scott is still on dry ground, his phone in his hand. He shrugs innocently. “You look too beautiful I couldn't resist.” 

She gives him a small smile and blushes. A few moments later, the water ripples around her, creating gentle waves as Scott enters the pond. She doesn’t let her mind wander to the images of his chest glistening, water droplets making its way down his chest, along the abdominal ridges to his happy trail…

“Oh God,” she mutters, before turning on her back to submerge herself. Shit is getting out of control in her head.

She hears a yelp (or a manly scream) coming from behind her, and a pair of arms and legs suddenly wrap themselves around her form. “What on earth…” she starts, before realising that it is Scott acting like a human koala, looking terrified.

“I felt something biting my toe,” he whispers, his face the epitome of scared.

Tessa stifles a snicker. Both of them fight to stay afloat, still intertwined together. “Oh? So your toe is gone now?” she asks casually, like losing a toe is no more important that losing a few armpit hair.

Scott’s eyes bulge as he reaches down underwater to feel his toes. “Urm, they are all there. I swear I … shit!” he yelps again, quickly pulling his hand out from the water. “T, we need to get out of the water! It might be piranha-infested!” 

Tessa bursts out laughing. “Oh, Scott! They are not piranha. They are just carps, eating away your dead skin,” she explains, fully endeared by Scott’s traumatised face.

“Why are they violating my personal space? I’m pretty attached to my dead skin. I like my dead skin where it is," he whines, his arms still wounded tightly around her waist. 

“Actually it’s a very famous form of spa treatment here in Thailand. You should be so lucky that these fish are feasting on your calluses, Scott Moir,” she mockingly admonishes him. 

“But it tickles!”

“You big baby you,” Tessa laughs freely, unable to contain herself. She laughs harder at Scott pouting, who is relaxing his grip around her.

“It’s not very nice to laugh at me, you know,” he says again, his bottom lip slightly jutting out. 

“But you’re just so funny. Big bad Scott Moir afraid of a few fish!”

Scott smiles, a little embarrassed. “This stays between us, you hear me, Virtue?”

“Can’t promise,” she says, still chuckling. She loves the sight of his hair slicked back by the water. Always so handsome. “So you think I can actually go and sit under the waterfall or do you want me to hold your hands some more?” she jokes. 

Blushing, Scott loosens his hold around her a bit more. “Sorry I panicked and jumped on you. I uh, wanted to protect you from vicious carp attacks.”

“Uh huh,” she says teasingly. “Thanks for thinking of me, Moir. Besides, you’ve been carrying me on ice for the past 22 years, it’s only right that I return the favor, under water.”

He shakes his head ruefully. “You’re never letting this go, are you?” 

“Nope.”


	12. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughta be

_**2015** _

“What do you think about that nook?”

Tessa whirled around, embarrassed at getting caught like an inexperienced thief. “Urm, I love the couch. Where did you get it?”

Scott shrugged. “I opened the House and Home and asked myself, which piece would Tessa Virtue prefer?” 

Her heart thudded. She in fact, loved the couch that he had picked. “I do love it,” she said quietly.

“I’m still waiting for the book case to arrive though,” he replied, shoving his hands into his pocket. He tilted his head slightly. “You wanna see the kitchen?”

She bit her bottom lip and nodded. She had been here before once, but it was in its original dilapidated form. He had asked her opinion regarding the compound, and what to make of it. “You should ask Kaitlyn,” she had said. She didn’t want to be overstepping any boundaries.

The kitchen had a French door installed, which opened to the patio. She gasped. “You listened to me,” she said accusingly, getting so jealous over a kitchen. All thoughts of uncertainly fled her mind as she rushed forward, turning around in a circle. “My God, I’m so envious of your kitchen it’s not funny. All the natural lighting,” she marvelled.   

Scott chuckled as he approached closer. “I’m not done with the cabinets and countertops though. I’m hoping you could give me a hand.”

“This is brilliant, Scott. I wish I had all this space,” she said, shaking her head in awe. For the first time that afternoon, their eyes met. “You did good, kiddo.”

“Thank you, T. I’m glad you like it,” he replied quietly, flashing her a small smile.

Awkwardness again filled the room. Tessa shuffled her legs, unsure where to begin. She fiddled with her fingers, and watched as Scott stepped nearer, but stopped before he got too close.

She exhaled quietly in relief.

“What’s on your mind, T?”

She looked up, and saw those hazel eyes scrutinising her, not unkindly. She used to be able to read every single thoughts in his head. His eyes had slight dark circles around them, and she stopped herself from thinking and caring too much.

“If we were to do Pyeongchang, how would it differ from Sochi?” she asked before she lost her nerve.

“Everything,” he promptly replied.

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Different coaches, different training ground, different techniques,” he explained, maintaining eye contact. She felt the atmosphere shifting.

“You’ve done your homework,” she stated, quietly surprised. He wasn’t like the Scott from the years before.

He nodded. “I believe Marie-France and Patch have talked to you?”

She stared at him, not confirming nor ignoring. “Why do you want to do this?”

“I told you. We are not done.”

“You sound so sure.”

“I am.” He stepped closer, holding a hand out. “We owe it to ourselves. I owe it to you, to give you the best of me.”

She didn’t take it. Not yet. “I’ve given you all of me before, Scott.” _And you still left me._

“I know you have, T. It’s my turn to return the favour now.”

* * *

 

**_2019_ **

She looks at the hand, that had held hers for the past 22 years. It doesn’t look much different, still the same strong, masculine hand, which had held her up and never once let her fall. But this time, the same hand is held out to her first, rather than her going after it.

“Let’s dance, kiddo,” he says, smiling.

Khalid’s Suncity blares through the speakers. She looks at him, looking dapper in his button-down,  the sleeves folded up to his elbow. His hair is slicked back, but the fluffiness that she loves so much has been making its appearance for the last couple of weeks. 

“How do we dance without showing off the entire floor?” Tessa teases, earning a laugh from Scott. His laughter is glorious; his head tossed to the back, exposing the strong lines of his jaw and Adam’s apple.

She finally understands this ‘thirst’ their fans keep on discussing about. It’s a shier version of lust, and she loves it. 

They dance the night away, to some hip hop, toasting to Sammy back in Montreal. A few local songs with surprisingly very catchy tunes instantly become their favorite. R&B has Scott gathering her close in his arms. The familiar tune by Babyface floats into the air and he buries his face in her neck.

_Girl, it's been a long, long time comin' yes it has_ _  
But I, I know that it's been worth the wait_

His lips caress her neck in soft kisses, done thousands of times before during practice and competitions. He is always demonstrative on ice, which has proven to further torment and confuse her. The first year of their comeback was tentative. The year after, he had gotten braver with his touches, though fleeting as they were. 

As a rule, they had never slow danced off ice before. He had never asked or they were never presented with the opportunity. They had gone clubbing together, but always with a group of friends. And they shied away from romantic numbers, because ‘it wasn’t how they jam’, according to Scott of Kitchener era.

Later on, it was because there was no point torturing herself.

Then Jessica came along, followed by Cassandra, and after that, Kaitlyn made an appearance. By the time they retired after Sochi, dancing in night clubs were long beyond them.

_And every time I close my eyes_ __  
I thank the lord that I've got you  
And you've got me too   
And every time I think of it, I pinch myself 'cause  
I don't believe it's true   
That someone like you loves me too 

She feels him pulling away before being turned on her heels slowly. His arms surround her from the back as he resumes his position at the crook of her neck. His cologne permeates her senses, as she closes her eyes and leans back against him.

_Girl, I think that you're truly somethin',_ _  
And you're, you're every bit of a dream come true  
_ _With you baby, it never rains and it's no wonder_ __  
The sun always shines when I'm near you  
It's just a blessing that I have found somebody like you

They sway to the music with his arms tight around her. He spins her to face him again, this time he brings his head down to rest gently on her forehead. She runs her fingers up his shoulders, the tips brushing his neck.

He pulls the hand off his shoulder gently and bring it closer to his lips. His eyes stare directly into hers, a deep amber tone, as he starts singing the words to her.

_To think of all the nights, I've cried myself to sleep,_ __  
You really oughta know how much you mean to me  
It's only right that you be in my life right here with me  
Oh baby, baby

She wonders how they must have looked like to others around them. They are the best actors, of course, trained to appear in love with each other on ice for the past 22 years, only on her part she isn’t really acting. She wants to cry in despair for it hurts to want something which is not real.

She feels his lips on her forehead as the song fades off. She closes her eyes and relishes the arms that surround her. Silently, they leave the dance floor and out of the shack, onto the sandy beach, away from the jumping crowd. 

“You wanna leave?” he asks, wrapping an around her waist.

She smiles and nods.

They go through the ritual of brushing their teeth and changing clothes as usual. It is their first night in Koh Chang, after a fabulous time in Chiang Mai. The island is surrounded by crystal clear waters and sandy beaches, making it a perfect set up for romance.

If only, she thinks. 

“I’m going to miss sleeping next to you once we’re home,” he speaks softly in the dark, after the two of them have settled under the duvet. 

She smiles ruefully to herself. She’s going to miss his body heat, his scent and overall, his presence. “Me too,” she responds. They turn to face each other, holding each other’s hands in the middle, before drifting off to sleep.

The next day, she wakes up to a cold drift from an opened sliding door. Gentle wind blowing from the beach makes her shiver, and she notices Scott’s absence from the bungalow. A piece of stationary is placed on his pillow, under a stem of pink rose.

_Gone jogging. You look too beautiful I don’t have the heart to wake you up._

_Love,  
S_

Her cheeks and her heart warm from the simple message. Feeling a burst of energy, she leaves the bed and makes her way to the bathroom. After changing into her Adidas work out pants and top, she grabs her phone and leaves the bungalow.

Half an hour later, she finds his silhouette on the beach, cooling off. Dressed in a pair of work out shorts sans shirt, he looks a vision under the rising sun. His skin in tanned, slightly damp from sweating, a pair of sunglasses perched on his head.

She grins, a rush of affection fills her heart from his simple message, and she makes her way towards him. From the distance, she sees another woman closes up on him, dressed in a pair of sexy pink bikini, blonde hair flowing beautifully down her shoulders. Tessa slows her jog, her heart beating fast.

He notices the woman approaching and smiles his patented smile. They exchange a few words, Tessa is a bit too far to hear distinctly. The woman is stunning, perky and blessed in all the right areas. Tessa follows the way she tucks her hair behind her ear, as she sways her hips tantalisingly.

“Listen, do you want to go for dinner together? I’m sure your friend can survive alone for one night,” the woman asks, biting her lip.

Tessa feels her heart in her throat. Without hesitation, she calls out, “Yeah, he’d love to!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Err, hi? How are you guys today?


	13. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The responses were amazing and overwhelming. I didn't think many would be so invested and I got a little scared. Hahha. Presenting to you Scott's POV. He doesn't meander much in his thought process (being a typical male) therefore chapters might be a little shorter. Read with caution and don't forget to rant in the comment. Thank you :)

**_October 2015_ **

He breathed a sigh of relief when she finally accepted his hand.

He had a long road ahead of him.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” he asked, hopeful. He knew it was a bit of a stretch, but there was no harm asking, he thought. He had missed sitting down together, simply talking to her. The last dinner they had was awkward, in a foreign land back in China, and conversation was stilted.

He wanted to tell her so much. How he had chosen the couch with her in his mind, on their days off post-Pyeongchang, lounging in a pair of yoga pants, her belly swollen with his baby.

He wanted to tell her that seeing her in Scotland, being so happy and carefree and _moved on_ had almost killed him.

He wanted to tell her how he had almost wanted to cry when she didn’t answer her door in Beijing because he had finally gotten the courage to tell her that he missed her, that he was not going to let her go, but apparently she had already set him free.

“I made plans, I’m sorry,” she apologised. The thing was, he couldn’t tell if she was even telling the truth.

It fucking hurt to have your best friend of 18 years, the woman that you finally, fucking finally, came to conclusion that you couldn’t live without, was pulling away from you.

“Maybe next time?”

She gave him a grim smile. “Maybe next time.”

* * *

**_ 2019 _ **

“You’re Tessa Virtue,” the woman exclaims. Realisation dawns on her. “You’re the _best friend_?” Her face reddens. 

Scott swallows the curse at the tip of his tongue. He has never been more frustrated with a woman before. He should have known that the object of his affection would also be the cause of his undoing. 

Tessa bites her lip, despite her adorable face, he can’t tamper down his anger. “Yes, she is _the_ best friend,” he replies, trying hard no to grit his teeth. “T, don’t you remember our reservation at the seafood restaurant tonight?” he says, turning to look at the woman by his side, daring her to contradict him. 

She frowns slightly then finally takes notice of his grim face. “Oh yes, I’m sorry,” she stammers. 

He swings his arms around her shoulders, caging her to his side. He flashes a faux apology smile to the blonde, who is eyeing them critically. He doesn’t really care. He has already posted a photo of Tessa feeding sugarcane to an elephant back in Chiang Mai on his Instagram. By now everybody and their grandmother should have found out about them being together in Thailand. 

Which is really his intention. 

He needs to step up his gear on the final phase of his three-year plan.

After bidding the woman goodbye, he walks them both back to their bungalow. He isn’t in the mood for breakfast. He keeps on tugging on her hand, his strides long and quick. 

Once inside, he slams the door shut.

“What the fuck was that, Tessa?” 

She looks slightly scared, but trying to appear brave. He has to give her props because he is SERIOUSLY pissed. The last time he had felt that angry was back in Sochi. 

“I’m doing my job as the designated wingwoman. Why are you so mad? I just wanted to help you get laid,” she replies, frowning.

He groans, grabbing the ends of his hair tight in both hands. When he looks down at her sitting on their bed, _their_ fucking bed, he notices her apprehensive look. “Tessa Jane McCormick Virtue, listen here, and you listen good. The only woman, the only one, I want to get laid with, make love with, do the nasty with, is you. The only pants I want to get into, is yours.”

 


	14. I'm Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa whoa whoa. thank you for the support and comments! you guys are unreal. unfortunately i'm working odd hours, sometimes i even have to type the story on my phone, so going through the reviews take a bit of a time. but i appreciate every single one of them and i hope you give me feedback for this chapter too!

**_ 2008 _ **

He went back to that kiss every single moment he was alone. Which ended up to be a lot. Jessica was away at high performance camp, pissed after he had confessed about Tessa’s kiss.

_“She has been pining for you forever. Don’t tell me you didn’t see it coming, Scott!” she had said._

_“She was about to go for a major surgery, Jess! I’d look like a major asshole if I had pushed her away,” he tried to reason._

_Jessica had rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, Scott. I’m sure you enjoyed some tongue while you were at it, didn’t you?” she asked sarcastically._

_He clamped up. He had been shocked, and Tessa’s lips had felt nice. And he and Jess were in between one of their infamous breakups, so he had thought, why the hell not?_

_It had felt more than nice. In fact, it had felt electric._

_“I’m so fed up for keeping us a secret. You have to stop handling her with kid gloves. She’s a big girl, she can handle us dating,” Jessica ranted._

_“It’s not only Tess I’m worried about, Jess. I don’t want Bryce to think -,” he was cut off._

_“Well, you should have thought of that before you went ahead and fucked one of your best friend’s ex, Scottie. Too late for that, eh?” Jessica remarked, before turning on her heels and left._

Which had brought him to a previous conversation he had had with his ex-best friend, Bryce. 

_“Whatever you do, Scottie, don’t fuck your partner. The biggest headache in the world. You don’t want to mess up your partnership,” Bryce had said a few months ago, before he had gone behind his friend’s back and slept with Jessica._

He had snorted at Bryce’s advice. Tutu is Tutu. He would never look at her in that way. 

But after that kiss, he had seen her in a new light. Gone were the days where Tutu was his sister from another mother. Her eyes seemed greener. He started noticing her curves, he liked she was not as skinny as the other girls, and he had felt the tightening in his pants for the first time while holding her on ice after her come back. 

He had no idea what to do after the kiss. He didn’t want to fuel her crush on him, so he had delayed visiting her, until it was two months later. The moment he had seen her face opening her front door for him, he knew that he had lost a part of her that he had to get back.

* * *

 

**_ 2019 _ **

Her jaw falls, and she gapes. Her whole face flushes and she is so lovely it’s breaking his heart. 

And then he realises what he has said and groaned again. He squats in front of her and takes hold of both her hands. “Shit, T,” he starts, pretty lost on how to proceed with the most important conversation of his life. He had this elaborate speech planned on how the stars aligned and put them together for 20 years, how about another 20 and more, but he had to go and blurt out how much he wants to sleep with her?

“Tessa,” he starts again. “That wasn’t how I wanted to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” she stammers. She still looks scared and it isn’t the look he wants going. 

“That I love you not in the platonic way. I love you in the building-our-lives-together way. I want to be the one to make you happy and I want to live together, in a single house, with both of our names of the mortgage. I want to put a ring on your finger and I want to wear your ring on mine. I want to make babies with you. God, T. I want you waking up everyday next to me for the rest of our lives. Because I can’t live without you. I tried for a couple of years, I almost died. I felt so lost. You agreeing to come back was what saved me, T.”  
  
She shakes her head, her eyes wild. “You lied. You were happy with Kaitlyn. Don’t give me that,” she accuses. 

“If I was so happy, what made you drop by my place that day in October? I was merely going through the days. You knew I wasn’t doing well. And like a martyr that you are, you came and pulled me out,” he argues back, leaning closer.

She averts her gaze and leans away. “It was for purely selfish reasons. I wanted to compete too. Don’t go too deep into it, Scott,” she stutters. 

“You’re the one lying, T. I know you. You were never selfish a day in your life. If it wasn’t for me, you did it for us.”

She narrows her eyes. “For all the talks about us, don’t go blurring the lines and make it something which it is not.”

He snorts. “It’s _always_ about us, you _know_ that.”

She laughs bitterly. “Well, it wasn’t for a few years, was it?”

He falters. Her eyes are glassy. “Baby…”

She shakes her head again, tugging her hands, a solitary tear rolls down her cheek. “Please don’t call me _that_. I was there when you called them that before,” she whispers.

He’s stumped, feeling like being sucker punched over and over again. And it hurts like a motherfucker.

“Tessa. Tutu. T. The love of my life,” he begins gently, his own tear falling. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. It took me losing you before I snapped out of my misery. I’m sorry for taking you for granted, for ever putting you second, for not coming to terms with my feelings and disregard what we had as special.”

She’s full on sobbing. Those beautiful emerald eyes brimming with tears are killing him. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you forgive me. For the kiss back in your room before your first surgery. For ignoring you after Sochi. For taking my time getting here. Say that you love me. And you’ll be with me.”

“Loving you isn’t the problem, Scott.”

“Then, be with me. Be here with me,” he pleads.

“We had _years_ , Scott,” she stresses. “How is it that I’m okay to be with now if I was never okay for you before? Why would I believe whatever you feel now is something genuine as opposed to what you’ve felt before? How are you so certain that this is it? Why would you want to jeopardize 22 years of friendship for something fleeting?

I know being around each other 24/7 may confuse your feelings for me. Having to act being in love with me on ice is like indoctrination. How sure are you that it’s real?” 

He shakes his head, chuckling. She is _unbelievable_. 

“The same reason why you think your love for me is real. Tessa Virtue, you are my _everything_. My first thought in the morning and the last before I go to bed. I am honest enough to admit like an asshole that I am, despite being with other people before, you were always on my mind, without fail. Don’t give me that bull about being indoctrinated, what the hell is that? Nobody needs to be indoctrinated when it comes to loving you, T. Don’t sell yourself short like that,” he argues.

“It doesn’t fill me with much confidence if the man that I’ve been in love for two third of my life takes fucking forever to reciprocate my feelings,” she replies back quietly. 

He shakes his head, defeated. “You really don’t believe me, do you?”

“I want to. I want to so badly, but I can’t get over so many things. I’m just…” she breaks off, silently crying.

He pulls her into his arms, feeling fucking grateful that she at least lets him do that. He kisses her hair, trying his best to calm her. “I understand, sweetheart. It’s my fault. I don’t expect you to fall into my arms willingly like the past few years of our lives didn’t happen and I didn’t stray away from you. I want to earn your love,” he whispers.

“I do love you, Scott. I’ve been loving you for too long I’m just not so sure how not to. But I just don’t understand...”

He knows he has his work cut out for him. He tightens his hold around her. “We’ll get through this, kiddo.”

He feels her nodding, sniffling against his shirt. He'd take snot-faced Tessa in his arms any day than not having any type of Tessa at all. 

She pulls away slightly, tentatively looking into his eyes. “Do, do you actually want to get in my pants?”

He raises an eyebrow. Really? He marvels at how clueless she is. And he thought he was pretty obvious around her. “You have to ask?”

There it is, the lovely flush on her cheeks. He chuckles. For someone so sassy she tends to blush a lot. “You’ve been giving me constant hard on since 2008, sweetie.”

“Oh.”


	15. Do you want your belly pressed against this person's belly forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi gorgeous people! Sorry for the absence (again)! I was sent oversea for work. I'm sorry I didn't give a heads up because I was given none too. Hahha. I packed in all of 1 hour for a flight across the sea. ANYWAY, here's the latest instalment. And are you guys wondering about the announcement coming next month from our lovable duo? Leave me some love later!

**_February, 2015_ **

He remembered the photo. It was taken right after their FD in Sochi. She had thanked him for being there for her, although he felt himself falling short. He hadn’t believed her when she told him how Marina had changed camp, pushing them down from her priority list.

_“Why do you feel that everybody is against you, T? I know how hard she and Igor are on you, but they are concerned. I don’t give a fuck if you add an extra pound or maybe you feel that your thighs are not as thin as Meryl’s, I’ve been lifting you for the past 16 years and I don’t think a pound is gonna make any difference.”_

_He could tell that he was fucked the moment he saw her face change. Her mouth had dropped slightly, her cheeks, usually so ruddy and flushed, lost their charming colouring._

_“You only see the good in other people, and I love you for that. But for once in your life, I beg you to open your eyes. I’m your fucking partner for the past 16 years. Whether you want to admit it or not, I know you best despite the millions girlfriends that you have. I have your best interest in my mind, because it affects me too. Don’t give me that shit about my weight concern, you don’t go through weighing like you’re a fucking whale on steroid every other day,” she spoke quietly._

_He ran a hand through his hair, pulling slightly on the strand, feeling the frustration building. “I didn’t mean it that way, T.”_

_“Then tell me however way you meant it because from here it’s pretty clear you’re calling me paranoid and bratty for no reasons.” She lifted her gym bag and started to walk off. “Send my regards to Cassandra. I apologise for keeping her boyfriend with my whiny tendencies.”_

From that moment they didn’t bring the matter up again. Slowly he came to the realisation that she was right; their program wasn’t solid. Marina had spent longer time training the Americans than she did the Canadians. The breaking point was when she chose to march with Davis and White during the opening ceremony.

Suddenly it was all so clear to him.

Looking back, he had never apologised for doubting her. She took it in stride, was never reproachful. Moments before their FD, after their pre-skate hug, she had squeezed his hand and told him that she loved him.

What had he ever done to ever deserve her?

_How’s Australia?_

_\- Glorious!_

_Happy Sochi anniversary, kiddo._

_\- You too :)_

* * *

**_2019_ **

Scott Moir has done plenty of stupid things in the past. But the worst of it all was letting Tessa Virtue go. Not once. But twice.

So it is of no surprise if she doesn’t want anything to do with him romantically, 5 years later.

He knows she has loved him throughout their partnership. After that night in Sochi, she has stopped telling him she loved him, and it was a bitter pill to swallow.

But it shows in her smile, the way she looks at him, her doting, her hugs. She was more reserved early on during their come back, but slowly he managed to chip away at her shield, and they started spending more time together again.

He has been trying to prove himself to her, trying to earn his way back to her heart. Although she is very generous with her affections, he knows how she censors herself around him by pulling away when it gets too intense between them. And every time that happens, he feels like shouting out in frustration.

But he knows he has no rights to demand more than she is willing to give him. God knows how patient she has been with him in the past. He knows, loving him doesn’t mean that she wants to be with him. She is Tessa fucking Virtue, ice dance goddess, admired by both fans and foes, she could have anybody she wants. But she chose him twice and he didn’t and by goddamn right he shouldn’t hope to be chosen thrice.

But he can’t help it. She’s the love of her life. He knows that now. He’s known that for quite some time and only now he has the insight that living without her might really kill him.

She looks so peaceful in her sleep. There is some remnants of tears, her lids slightly swollen but her forehead and lips are relaxed, unlike a few hours ago. He blames himself for putting her in a spot, but shit just hits the fan, he lost control of his mouth and things just escalated.

He pushes a stray strand of hair from her face, his fingers brushing down her cheek softly. Her lips twitch into a smile, and his heart just fucking melts. He wonders what she’s dreaming about, is it about him, and in her dreams, did he actually deserve her as opposed to reality?

“Hey, sweetie. Wake up,” he whispers, gently brushing her cheek again. He runs a finger along her brow, and watches as she frowns in her sleep. Her lids flutter open, revealing those gorgeous emeralds that he loves so much.

“Hey,” she mumbles.

He’s taking a bit of liberty as he leans down to kiss her nose. She scrunches up cutely, her cheeks rosy. “I brought breakfast for you,” he says, flashing her a smile. He hopes to God no previous boyfriends knew her as well as he does, because the thought of others doing something similar to her before makes his heart ache a bit.

She sits up a little, her hair in disarray. She sweeps her long tresses to one shoulder, and he feels extremely lucky to be witness of Tessa’s sexy morning look. He loves her hair, long and flowy, soft and fragrant, strawberry-smelling that he seems he can’t get enough of from the way he blurted in a game once.

“You don’t have to do that, Scott,” she says, smiling softly, eyes half-closed, still sleep rumpled, which he loves so much.

He shrugs, and pulls up on the bed, sliding by her side. “Actually, I do. You deserve breakfast in bed and many more. Besides, it’s a privilege for me to see you all sexy in the morning so it’s only right I show my gratitude this way.”

He knows he is laying it on thick but he’s trying to love her, dammit. She looks at him in this way where he feels precious before giving him a kiss on the cheek, at which he preens cockily. “Let’s see what you got for me.”

His face lights up and he grabs the plate that has been sitting on the bedside table. “I present to you, poached eggs on rye and avocados, with sides of italian sausages and salad.”

She bursts out laughing. “I AM kind of missing my staple poached eggs. Thank you.”

“I knew it!” He shouts gleefully. “You were mumbling about poached eggs in your sleep! I’m feeling slightly jealous,” he teases.

“Really?” she asks, playing along. “What else was I mumbling about?”

He strokes his chin. “You don’t want to know,” he replies conspiratorially.

She blushed again. Dropping her gaze, she pats around the bed, looking for something. He chuckles, knowing her too well. “Your hair band is on the nightstand, sweetie.”

She laughs. Before she can pick it up, Scott swipes it off the table himself. “Turn around. I’ll do your famous topknot,” he announces.

“It’s okay, I’ll do it myself,” she says, reaching for the band.

He holds his hand away, shaking his head. “Nope. Let me.”

She bites her lips and turns around. She starts picking on her food, eyeing the plate critically. Scott starts gathering her hair in a bunch, pulling softly on the strands to tackle the tangles.

“Scott?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you cook this yourself?”

He freezes, and peeks from behind her shoulder. “Uh, yeah?” How could she tell?

She gives him the same precious look, this time it lasts longer, like she’s contemplating something. Eventually, she returns the plate back on the nightstand. He panics. Is she that repelled off by him that she doesn’t want to eat his cooking?

However, his worry eases instantly once she throws her arms around him, engulfing him in a hug. Her face on his chest, he hears a mild sniffle. “Thank you.”

He smiles against her hair. “How could you tell?”

“You’ve been cooking me dinner for the past 3 years, Scott. We have a meal-kit endorsement together. I’d know how you plate our meals from anywhere.”

He laughs. “Okay, that makes sense. I miss cooking for you. Eating foreign food is exciting and all but I love seeing your reaction from _my_ food,” he confesses.

She chuckles, still slumped over his chest. “Can you promise me one thing?”

“Sure, T.”

“Can you continue cooking for me for the foreseeable future?”

He pulls her in tighter, he feels a surge of hope. He’d throw a damn six-course dinner for her everyday if she wants. “You’ve got yourself a deal, kiddo.”

 


	16. Welcome to the human experience.

**_March 2015_ **

They had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago.

Everything got so real. He felt like an asshole for feeling relieved when the test turned out to be negative. He had thought about marrying her, having kids with her, but when he was given a scare of that level, he completely bailed. Because all the while he had been imagining his children with dark hair and gorgeous green eyes.

Since then, their dynamics had shifted. Even more than usual.

They had talked about him moving to Winnipeg since he was not competing anymore. He didn’t give an immediate timeline, but he wasn’t fully opposed to the idea too. He was lucky, she was never pushy nor demanding.

He ran the idea by his brothers, Jesse and Sam. Charlie just patted him on his shoulder and told him, “do what you think is best, Scotty.” Danny gave one of his lukewarm smiles, which he couldn’t tell whether it was in genuine support or to placate him, telling him, “I’m happy for you, lil bro.”

Jesse and Sam were a different story. They seldom hung out anymore due to the distance and he wasn’t that great with technology. Jesse had told him point blank “make damn sure it’s the only thing that you want and something that you won’t regret later.” Sam was milder in his approach, “do you see yourself marrying her? How’s T by the way?”

Tessa was included in the small circle of trust too. Although they didn’t talk as much as pre-Olympics, he still valued her opinion. He kept on going back to the day of their skate in Sochi. Funny how he remembered that moment better than the moment he had first run into Kaitlyn.

In doing so, not only did he manage to belittle her relationship with Semple by boasting about his own long-distance relationship with Kaitlyn, he had also managed to tell her how he had thought that Kaitlyn was the one. It was a dick move on his part when barely ten months ago the same woman had somehow confessed her love to him and there he was gushing about another woman.

And the real fucked up part was, he didn’t even know whether he was telling the truth. All he knew was, instead of having her as his best woman/maid of honor, he’d really like to see her in a white dress walking down the aisle towards him.

So when Kaitlyn told him she was late, he had really felt like dying.

When the three tests turned out negative, a huge rock had been lifted off his chest.

“It’s too early anyway,” he had said.

“Well, you don’t have to look too happy about it,” she had remarked before leaving him to his own devices.

What the hell was he doing? Why was he having sex and playing house with one woman while thinking of another?

* * *

**_2019_ **

He finds her standing on the beach, overlooking the ocean.

She is looking like a vision, as per usual. Her burgundy bandeau bikini looks so sinful if not for her faraway expression.

She left him to wander on her own while he was taking an afternoon nap. He woke up to an empty bed, put on his swim shorts and set out to look for her.

He has seen the look before. It was in Scotland, back in 2015, when she was sitting on the rocks in front of the Ackergill Tower. The sun was setting, and her gaze was on the horizon.

That was the moment where he knew she had let him go.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

She chuckles, patting the sand on her left. He swiftly bends down to take a seat. “You’d be a millionaire.” Then she snorts. “You already are. Well, you’d be richer than you are now,” she rephrases.

Smiling, he picks up a random shell, tracing its shape. It is still surreal how life has brought the two of them together. To be the best ice dance team in the world, with multiple endorsements and a handsome income. He really has no complaints.

He wishes however that he was quicker on the pickup when the universe was short of throwing a rock to his head to give him a clue about Tessa. Well, he did admit he was never the brightest crayon in the box in multiple interviews.

“What’s on your mind, T?”

She turns to look at him. Really looks at him. “You really want to know?”

He nods. “I do. You know I live for our heart-to-heart, kiddo,” he says, grinning as he knocks into her with his shoulder.

She averts her gaze back to the horizon. “I haven’t been quite honest with you.”

He swallows. Hard. “What do you mean?”

She bites her lip, fiddling with her fingers.“I agreed to come on this trip with you as a sort of a last hurrah before ending our partnership. Officially.”

He tastes bile in his throat. “You wanted to end our partnership?”

She nods, still looking away. “I thought maybe it would provide us some space to grow away from each other, as a singular person. As Tessa Virtue. As Scott Moir. Without the whole brandname holding us back.”

“You didn’t want to skate with me anymore?”

“You were always around, Scott. And I wanted to get over you. You wanted to find your life partner. I thought, some distance would be good for us. Pyeongchang was perfect. We had the time of our lives. It was the best moment ever. And we lived in the bubble of perfection. Perfect seasons. Perfect score. Perfect road tour.”

“And that was bad?”

She looks at him sideways. “It was bad for my mental health.”

“I’m sorry.” He’s not, at all.

Chuckling, she plays with a pink shell about the size of her palm. Beautiful, but fragile. “Not your fault. I could have just stopped pining over you and fall in love with another guy, preferably one without any association to Skate Canada.”

“Not to sound like an asshole, but I’m grateful you didn’t.”

She is quiet for a beat. “Yea, I was about to change that.”

His heart races. “Elaborate.”

“I figured, you couldn’t be the only guy for me, right? I mean, there must be reasons why we were never together romantically for the past two decades of our lives.”

“Yes, we both agree it boiled down to my stupidity,” he argues.

She shakes her head. “No, I didn’t agree to anything.”

“Fine, I conclude that it was my idiocy for ignoring the obvious between us.”

“But, think. Are we really made for each other? What if I’m missing something out there? Somebody who might be my other soul mate?”

His heart stops at what she is hinting. “You are it for me, kiddo,” he says firmly, looking directly into her eyes.

Those beautiful emeralds scrutinise him. “Are you sure? You said the same thing about Kaitlyn.”

He rubs his face and closes his eyes. He is brought back to 2015 to an ice rink in Japan. He knew it would bite him in the ass and it is happening in a predictable fashion. “I lied. I didn’t feel for her half of what I feel for you.”

She shakes her head. “You didn’t. You felt enough that you wanted to marry her.”

“I wasn’t myself that year, T. Most of my decisions were impulsive and a result of anger, helplessness and feeling of failure,” he explains, something that he had learnt in therapy and yet to share with her.

She looks away, pondering. “I’ve never felt anywhere to that level with anybody else before. With Ryan, we were just fucking. I needed to fill my days. To get over you playing house with Kaitlyn. He was a good friend but we were just fucking,” she says listlessly. This is the most honest she has been with him regarding her past relationship.

He cringes. There was some moments back in 2015 where he would either dry heave or punch a wall every time Semple made an appearance alongside Tessa. How hypocritical, he thinks.

“What I’m trying to say is, I’m not sure.” She turns to look directly into his eyes, the seriousness of her expression daunting. “I’m not sure _yet_ that you’re it for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi? Happy Halloween? Anybody went as Scott and Tess?


	17. A true soul mate is a mirror.

**_June 2015_ **

They had arrived separately. He had flown in with Kaitlyn from Toronto and she had flown in from LA due to a photoshoot. It was a day later when they had finally met up in.

“Hi, Kaitlyn. It’s been a while,” she greeted as the two women exchanged perfunctory hugs.

“Hey, Tessa! How was your flight?” Kaitlyn, the ever friendly girlfriend, asked. He appreciated her for never questioning his partnership with Tessa. She had seen their more risqué routines but she had never given him shit about it.

_“Well, it’s your job. It’s not like you got a hard on after,”_ she had said.

The thing was, he had been getting hard ons from dancing with Tessa since 2009. He had felt almost insulted on Tessa’s behalf that Kaitlyn completely disregarded her as a potential rival.

“It was okay. At least there was no turbulence this time. I slept like a baby,” she replied. Scott refrained from snorting. Tessa was always the most restless sleeper. He doubted she had slept at all on the flight.

“Scott. Hullo,” she said to him, like she was from the highland.

Scott laughed. She merely smiled.

She then left them to catch up with Miku. He sent her away with his gaze, realising a bit too late he didn’t even get to hug her.

Their first exploration in the Land of Lochs and Castles was the Smoo Cave. It was situated within a narrow sea inlet which carved right into the limestone cliffs. They were separated into groups to go on inflatable rafts to enter the cave when he realised Tessa had gone into another raft to join some of the other guests.

The day after, he found her sitting with Miku during the bonfire. Kaitlyn quickly dropped his hand to skip over to the two women, who welcomed her into the group warmly. He chose to seat with the other guys, his eyes surreptitiously eyeing the other direction. Only to realise his gaze fell on the brunette more than the blonde.

The rest of the trip he barely had a sentence exchanged between them other than the good ol’ hello and what’s up. Kaitlyn gushed about Tessa and he felt a surge of pride. As if he had a hand in how Tessa was such a people pleaser with a kind heart to boot. All he knew was, he was proud to be her partner.

A few days before the conclusion of the trip he joined them fishing as opposed to rotting away in the room. Their laughter had a mixed effect on him; he was grateful the two of them got along so well, but he dreaded the feeling of her putting more and more distance between them.

_But you were the one who pulled away, didn’t you?_

One night he woke up in a cold sweat. It felt so real. He dreamt of seeing her from across a busy street. Their eyes had met for a few seconds. He had smiled and waved enthusiastically, obviously happy to see her. Only to have her turn on her feet and walking away.

Further and further away.

The night of the gala, she had sat at the farthest table from his. She looked beautiful in her subtle dress, never wanting to show anybody up despite her affinity for fashion. He tried to meet her eyes, and finally succeeded, when Miss Miku went on stage to sing what would be their next program.

Right at the end notes of the song, she broke their gaze and turned to Jen who was sitting beside her. It was like he had imagine the past two minutes or so of connection that had been severed so abruptly.

And breathing became hard.

He made it a mission to look for her that final day. She was everywhere and nowhere at once, but he seemed to never reach her side, and it frustrated him. The closer she was to Kaitlyn, the further she was from him.

He had finally caught her sitting on the rocks by the see watching the sunset. He knew how much she loved sunset. So it shouldn’t surprise him.

“Can I join you?”

She had smiled her media smile. “Go ahead.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. Thanks for asking. How are you?” The politeness of the conversation baffled him.

“Talk to me, T.”

She looked at him in a glance. “Aren’t we?”

He remembered waking up in her house a few weeks ago. How he had too much to drink (which was becoming a habit if he was being honest to himself) and the next thing he knew he was waking up on her couch. He saw her sleeping on her arms on the floor next to him and he was filled with guilt. He couldn’t recall the exact conversation that they had, but he knew going into the pub he was wishing that he could actually pick up the phone and call her just to talk.

Kaitlyn’s phone call had come in just before he could wake her up. The next thing he knew, she had woken up as well, stood up and left him in the living room. A simple, silent breakfast of toast and coffee later, she had sent him back to the Tavern to get his car.

The sun was nearing the horizon. He heard her sigh. “Scott, I wish you would clean yourself up. Get help. For Alma. For Kaitlyn. For yourself. I might not always be there to cover your ass.”

_How about for you_ , he had wanted to ask. “Are you happy, T?”

She pursed her lips, pondering. A small smile finally bloomed on her face. A smile signifying victory and maybe, hope. Both of which he wasn’t feeling. In fact, whatever turmoil in his gut was the exact opposite of her smile. “I think I’m getting there.”

How was it that they were sitting side by side but in totally different wavelengths? Her hope to his despair only meant one thing, she was finally, _finally_ leaving him behind.

* * *

**_2019_ **

“I can’t lie and say that didn’t hurt,” he says, smiling ruefully.

She gives her an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. T. I understand. I take it as payback for previously ignoring my feelings. I’m holding on to hope that the ‘ _yet_ ’ in your sentence means that you’re getting there.”

“This is not about revenge, Scott. You’re my best friend. I don’t have it in me to hold a grudge against you,” she says, squeezing his hand. “But you’re new to this business, about being in love with me. I’d like to think of myself as a bit more seasoned. I’ve been in love with you _forever,_ " she says it like it's a bad thing.

He berates himself for ignoring her obvious love for him for too long. And now it’s biting him in the ass how the tables have turned. “You’re wrong. I’m not a novice when it comes to loving you. I think I’ve been doing it subconsciously for most of my life.”

She chuckles disbelievingly.

“I know I was an asshole to you back in Canton. I was an asshole, _period_. I went behind my best friend’s back to sleep with his ex. And I kept it from you, my best friend. A girl who had kissed me because she loved me. But I wasn’t the smartest then.”

He tucks a stray strand behind her ear and continues. “I didn’t believe you when you told me about Marina. And I never apologised for doubting you. For how hurtful Jessica was behaving towards you.” Out of all his exes, he knows Jessica was always catty and bitchy toward Tessa.

It was one of the reasons why he finally broke up with her, among other reasons. Young Scott couldn’t give a fuck if his girlfriend was fooling around as long as he got to wet his dick on the regular. With rubber on, of course. It was not like as if he had wanted to marry her.

And now, the woman he actually wants to put a ring on her finger, is shying away, and that, hurts like a motherfucker. 

She gives a small rueful laugh. “Don’t apologise for other people, Scott. I should have grown a spine earlier in our career.”

“But it was my job to protect you,” he argues. Yeah, what an awesome job he did since in the end he was the one who had hurt her the most.

Maybe she’s sensing his turmoil, and there’s that look again, where he feels so appreciated. “I can fight my own battles, Scott.”

“But I want to fight them with you. Like a team. We’re good team players, aren’t we?”

She rests her head on her knees, looking sideways to him. “Maybe that’s our best roles in each other’s lives? You’re all I know so far. You on the other hand have been in and out of love multiple times.”

“I can’t not be fully sure and start something with you. What if there’s something out there for me, someone else who can fulfil what you couldn’t or you can’t? The same goes for you, Scott. I don’t want you to define our relationship just by the decades we’ve spent together.”

He refuses to imagine her with another man. It is just going to break him, despite it being a possibility. “I can’t pretend imagining you falling in love with another man wouldn’t absolutely kill me, sweetie. The thought itself fills me with dread. I knew I wanted to kill Semple, but I couldn’t blame the man for being there for you.” There are many things to be envious about Semple, but he isn’t going there.

The things that were in the past, were going to remain there. Now for him to make her sees that. He has so many things to share with her in the future. Preferably one in which they share it together.

He frames her face with his palms. Those beautiful emeralds kill him, every time. “And, I appreciate your approach to rationally justify our feelings. But like I told you, I am 110 percent sure about you.”

She looks at him in dismay, her eyes darting on his face. “What makes you so sure? I’d love to share your confidence.”

He smiles fondly, trying to convey his love for her in a single look. He reaches down to grab her hand. “I can’t say, kiddo. It’s all in here,” he says, putting their hands on his chest. “Once you know, you know.”

She looks at him, her face full of wonder. “You gotta lend me some wisdom here, I suppose.”

He shakes his head, laughing. If he was so full of wisdom, he should have found his way to her a long time ago. He knows he was not the wisest person around when it came to evaluating Tessa Virtue’s worth in his life. “I’m not too sure about wisdom. But I’m all about swaying your decision in my favor.”

“How do you plan on doing that?” she looks at him, a little curious, a little scared.

He pulls her closer, resting his forehead on hers. Just like that, she melts in his arms, and he’s filled with hope. He chuckles at her getting crosseyed trying to focus on him, as he kisses her nose. Due time, he wishes to be kissing those lips. Again and hopefully, forever. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out, kiddo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup y'all!! I finally have a two-day weekend!


	18. I'm making space for the unknown future.

**_September 2015_ **

CNE had brought them together less than a month after their conversation in Beijing, much to Tessa’s discomfort, he was sure. They didn’t bring the topic up again. In the meantime, things with him and Kaitlyn had ceased completely once he had abided Tessa’s advise to include her into the decision making.

To say he was surprised would be a blatant lie. In fact, he had felt immense relief. Relief to be finally free of guilt for stringing a nice girl along.

_“I guess I should have known,” she said._

_He looked up. “What do you mean?”_

_“That you lied when you said that part of your life is over.”_

_“I wasn’t sure before.”_

_“I guess there’s another lie too.”_

_“I wasn’t lying, Kait.”_

_“Really? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you’re not in love with Tessa?”_

In the end, he could only apologise as Kaitlyn turned her back on him and left.

In the vacant living room of his newly-purchased house, he had gained and lost some perspective.

That he could live without other women, but the thought of losing Tessa, after that conversation in Scotland, was killing him.

That Tessa leaving was a rude wake up call, that took 18 years in the making, and he wondered how the hell to make it up to the woman who mattered the most to him.

Would she agree to Pyeongchang?

But the most important questions would be,  
Would she love the house that he picked for them? (He was sure she would, they did after all picked it out years ago during their many commutes between Ilderton and Canton).  
Would she love that nook he was going to furnish for her?   
Would she say yes to loving him, again? Would she eventually agree to wear his ring?

The questions were stuck in his throat all of CNE. Her room was on a totally different floor from his. She had gone to breakfast and left even before he had made it to the cafe. The only time they were together was on the ice.

He recalled that day two years ago. Her eyes were still filled with stars for him. It had felt nice, having a beautiful girl in love with him. But being with Cassandra was easy, she was equally hot and gave decent blowjobs. That tight little body served as a reprieve from all the sexual frustration after skating to Carmen.

Tessa had been too intense, something he hadn’t wanted to discover at the time. With the season kicking them in their asses, he had just wanted to escape the rink after practice, and go back home to have hot sex with his girlfriend. Tessa had been his job, and he had learnt not to bring his job back home.

Looking back, the way he had tackled that conversation on his birthday two years ago made him feel like ramming his head into a wall. The next day, Tessa had greeted her as if the conversation was null and void.

Last year, she had been at the lake with Semple. He had spent the day with Kaitlyn, lazing around, and after a spectacular blowjob from her, he had picked up the phone, kind of hoping to get a message. The phone didn't ring whole day.

He saw her lacing her skates before stepping on the ice. Five more days before he had to say goodbye to her again. Their next reunion would be in December for Holiday on Ice and already he was feeling the anxiety.

They started their day with simple greetings, still with her media smile. He waited, and he knew she had forgotten. He couldn’t blame her. From the distance, he heard Buttle screaming ‘Happy Birthday Scotty!’ when they were practising their twizzle.

“Whoops,” she said, laughing. “Happy birthday, Scott!”

It felt like a start.

* * *

 

**_2019_ **

“Scotty! That view looks sick, my man!”

Scott turns his head to the ocean view from his verandah and shrugs. “Hey, Chiddy! Yeah, it does, eh?”

Patrick frowns. For a guy, he’s pretty perceptive. “Uh oh. That look. You haven’t sealed the deal yet?”

Scott sighs. He runs a hand through his hair, slightly greasy from the ocean water. “No. It’s not that easy.”

Patrick snorts. “Nothing is easy for you guys when it’s off ice. Come on, tell that girl you’re in love with her and want her babies.”

“What makes you think I haven’t?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh_.”

“But that’s impossible. She’s like head over heels for your stupid ass,” Patrick argues, even halfway across the world that signature high pitch is evident.

“Well, she does love me but she isn’t sure whether being with me is smart,” Scott explains nonchalantly, like he’s explaining Math, his strongest subject, away.

Patrick grimaces, pulling slightly from the screen. “Ouch, bro.” He purses his lips and drums the table in front of him. From the looks of it he’s in a diner somewhere having dinner since Elizabeth is away for a competition. “Why? I mean, you guys are soulmates. You’re the pepper to her salt. She’s the tuna to your mayo.”

“Well, basically it boils down to the history of me acting like an idiot and choosing others rather than her before.”

Patrick gapes. “Oh fuck. Miss T can hold a grudge.”

Scott shakes his head. “I don’t blame her, man.”

Patrick snorts. Of course he is remembering his shenanigans from way back when. “I don’t blame her too. You got your work cut out for you,” he says, grinning.

“She doesn’t believe that she’s it for me, and vice versa.”

“That’s cold, man. What are you going to do about it?”

He shrugs, trying to play it cool. He’s a man in his third decade of life, for God’s sake. And here he is, whining to his best friend like a high schooler. “I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Pray for me, Chiddy,” he says earnestly.

Patrick stares at his friend. Then his face turns to something akin of pity. Before he starts snorting and laughing. “You know it’s something serious when you start asking me to pray for you. How Catholic of you, Scott Patrick.”

“Yeah, I need all the help I could get including the divine kind. _Especially_ the divine kind.”

Patrick peeks over his shoulder and his patented wide grin blooms. “Hi, T! I miss you!”

Her hand lands on his shoulder and another around his waist. That heart flutter shit he reads in Tessa’s books in passing, he thinks he’s feeling it. Well, it is a constant reaction every time he comes in contact with her. He can feel her on his back with her chin resting on his shoulder. “Hi Chiddy! I miss you too!”

“Look at that smile! And that tan! Scotty must have done something right, eh?” Patrick says, his mood so vibrant despite the snow outside the Vancouver diner.

Scott could practically feel her hot cheeks against his and the thought makes him smile. “You could say that again,” she says shyly.

He turns slightly to face her. “Hey, kiddo. Slept well?”

She turns her head to give his cheek a kiss. And nuzzling it a bit. “Yea. Miss you though.”

Patrick makes a gagging sound. “You guys are sickening. Should I be witness to this PDA?”

Tessa grins sassily. “Why Chiddy? Are you feeling a little lonely?”

Scott pulls away slightly, giving his phone to her. “What do you want for breakfast? I can go call room service now.”

She tilts her head to the side. “How about some muesli and fruits?” She sends him away with a longing look, trying her best to avert from straying to his bountiful backside.

A cough comes through, followed by a snicker. “So it’s you and me, Tessa Jane.”

Tessa blushes, busted. “Yes Patrick Lewis. How are you? Tell me things!”

“No, you tell me things! I heard from the grapevine that Scotty boy finally came clean,” he says, wriggling his brows.

“You heard eh?”

“Come on, Tessa Jane. What’s wrong now?”

She pouts. It’s so unfair that Patrick is best friends to both of them when she wants him to be hers only. But she trusts him to be impartial. “I don’t know, Chiddy. You can say that I’m a weeny scared.”

He gives her a gentle smile. “I know, sweetie. Changes are usually pretty daunting. Every new beginning is always scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Give hope a chance to float up.”

She narrows her eyes. “Did you just quote Hope Floats to me, buddy?”

The man grins sheepishly. “You gotta keep that one to yourself, you hear.”

“Oh, you big softie! Elizabeth is so lucky to have you!” she gushes.

Scott reappears and wraps both hands around her. “Breakfast is on the way. Wanna wrap things up with Chiddy?”

“I’ve been third-wheeling you guys for the past 15 years, what’s another five minutes?” the man says nonchalantly, raising an eyebrow.

Scott bursts out laughing. “Come on, Chiddy. I’ll buy you a keychain.”

Patrick rolls his eyes. “Buy me some funky Thai whiskey. The expensive kind. I’m counting on you, Scotty.”

They bide him farewell with a promise of some exorbitantly-priced liquor.

“So,” she says, swaying them side by side in his embrace. “What’s our plan for today?”

He drops a kiss on her hair. “I was thinking, island hopping and snorkelling.” He's liking that plan already. He hopes she wears the bandeau bikini again.

“Yay!” she cheers, beaming up at him.

He then flashes her a smirk and tightens his hold around her. “ _And_ , a spa day with full body massage,” he whispers huskily, a hand runs down her side before squeezing her hip.

Scott mentally cheers when she sees her gulping. Her cheeks heat up and her mouth drops open slightly. “I see what you’re doing there, Moir.”

He can’t help it if he rolls his hip closer to hers ala 4 Minutes. “No holds barred now, sweetie,” he says in her ear. “You _know_ what I want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts about their show in London? Squee!


	19. Break your heart open so new light can get in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) slightly smutty at the end. with capitals SLIGHT. but when is it ever not with these two?

**_December, 2015_ **

They had to leave for Sapporo right after Christmas.

It was different this year. He had texted her on Christmas Eve, as opposed to last year, where everything was radio silence. They had Holiday on Ice early in the month, and they had spent their free time planning their come back.

It felt good to have her talking to him properly again. So far, they were back to full eye contact, but he hadn’t managed to peel off her media smile yet.

He had accidentally (maybe more to purposefully) bought the airline tickets a day earlier, and they had arrived in Hokkaido with nothing much to do.

“We could always go for a walk,” he suggested after meeting up for lunch. They had been to Hokkaido before. He had a rough idea of where’s where.

“In the snow?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He grinned, hopeful. “Why not? Life goes on, sun or snow.”

She wrinkled her nose (she hated the cold. Ironic, being Canadian and all) and then nodded. “Let me wash up for awhile,” she said, before leaving to go to the restroom.

So far they had jotted down some basic outlines for the come back. Tessa was going to be apartment hunting while he would be managing the logistic. They had talked to both Marie-France and Patrice and that would soon be followed by a trip to Montreal after TSN in Halifax.

_“Let’s make an announcement in February.”_

_She pondered on the suggestion. “You thinking 20th?”_

_“Yeah. Sort of like coming full circle.”_

Her phone dinged with an incoming message. His eyes surreptitiously flicked to the screen.

_Ryan S.: I was reading the last text you sent me…_

His heart thudded. Was she still in touch with him? He didn’t see her with Semple during TIFF in September, so he thought that they were over too.

_Ryan S.: And remembering last year’s New Year’s Eve._

He recalled a video he had seen on her Insta, where she was shooting pucks on a lake somewhere not within Ontario. The man in the background had hollered when she scored and she had celebrated with a dorky air guitar.

_Ryan S.: I’m wishing the best for you both. I’m feeling very positive vibes for this comeback. You deserve all the good things in this life, baby._

That dull throbbing feeling in the pit of his stomach didn’t seem to ebb away. Semple wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box and he had a bit of an asshole-ish tendency. But his message for her spoke volumes about his feelings for her.

At least one of them knew how to love Tessa Virtue the right way.

Another message came in. This time he didn’t shy away from peeking.

_Ryan S.: Make sure he treats you right this time around, baby. I know you’ve said that ‘it isn’t like that’, but a man is not blind. You’re precious and you should know it. I love you, it was an honor being with you._

Scott rubbed his face, trying to get the image of her and Semple in bed, laughing together from his head. Semple had been one of her constants for the past few years, and he loathed to acknowledge that Semple might be quite important to Tessa.

_How the hell do I challenge that? A man who had actually wanted her and pursued her, as opposed to one who had ignored her advances, twice?_

She sidled into the booth to pick up her bag and phone. “Let’s go,” she announced.

He held the hand going for her phone. “Hey, T.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“That song. In Scotland. By Miku?”

She frowned, then her face relaxed slightly, obviously remembering the moment their eyes met. “What’s Love?”

“Want to skate to that?”

When she burst out laughing after he had thrown a snowball (loosely packed, of course) to her face later at the park, he considered that an achievement unlocked. _Small steps_ , he told himself.

**_2019_ **

The clownfish makes a dash to his goggles, startling the shit out of him, making him swallow a gulp of seawater. He swims up to recuperate. For something so small, it sure does look vicious up close.

He looks around, catching his breath. Tessa resurfaces and removes her mouthpiece. “What’s wrong, Scott?”

“Nemo was attacking me,” he wheezes. He could imagine how ridiculous he looks. And sounds.

“Nemo, the friendly clownfish, attacked you?” Tessa repeats, skeptical.

“Yeah! It swam right into my goggles, head-butting me.”

“Well, maybe he thought you were his father. You do look a bit orangey with that tan.”

“It’s not funny, Virtue. I was _scared_ and everything.”

“What’s with you and fishes, Scott Moir? First the guppies now the clown fish? They are like a thousandth your size!”

“Fishes bite!”

She breaks into a giggle, which looks funny with her goggles still on and she swims closer to him. She clambers on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and it is so amazing how charmed and utterly in love he is with her as he gazes stupidly into her goggle-covered eyes.

“What are you doing, Miss Virtue?”

She smiles goofily at him. “Trying to save you from potentially hazardous clown fish.”

He raises an eyebrow, and smirks when she leans her head on his shoulder. “By climbing on me?”

“Well, that’s because you’re warm and I’m getting a bit cold.”

He kicks gently in the water, keeping them both afloat, cradling her close to his body. “Do you wanna go back to the boat?”

Is that a kiss on his neck? The thought runs a shiver through him. “I do feel a little hungry,” she whispers.

They swim together back to the long-tail boat as the sun rises higher above their heads. The water sparkles green and blue, with a majestic backdrop of small atolls within the distance. “This view doesn’t do much for me at all,” she sighs, clearly content.

Scott’s own view is inarguably gorgeous too. His eyes lavish on the skin of her strong calves and thighs, her firm ass before climbing up to her abs with her naval piercing. That piece of metal is taunting him. “Uh huh.”

His gaze settles on her bikini top, lingering in between her breasts, his mind guessing the color of her nipples, which are standing at attention from being underwater...

He hears throat clearing. “Scott Patrick, eyes up here.”

He averts his gaze, grinning sheepishly. “I can’t help it,” he says, not apologetic at all. He grabs the sunblock lying at the bottom of the boat. “I think you’re due for another layer of sunblock.”

Tessa surreptitiously glances at the back of the long-tail boat, trying to see if the boatman is aware of their shenanigans. “You just want to feel me up.”

He shrugs. “Well, that and I don’t want your lovely freckles to suffer.” He pats her shoulder and orders her to turn.

His hands rub gently along the slopes of her shoulders and neck, before dipping down slightly to her upper chest. Tessa holds her breath, and loses it once Scott drops a kiss at the crook of her shoulder. “Scott, behave,” she scolds half-heartedly, trying not to moan.

“I’m trying. But your body is beckoning my attention.”

They finish up snorkelling and go back to shore for early lunch. As they prepare for the spa session later that afternoon, Scott contemplates on what to wear.

He isn’t ashamed of his body, in fact, he is proud of the work he has continued putting in after the Olympics. And if by God it’s going to help him score some points with Tessa, he’s going to shamelessly misuse his body to his benefit.

He skips his regular shirt and goes out in his briefs, grabbing the bathrobe behind the door. He hears a small gasp from behind him and hides a smirk forming on his lips. Yep, he knows she stares at his ass sometimes, so if he flaunts it a little, it’s nobody’s fault, is it?

“Are you ready for our massage, T?”

He hears a strangled yes, and grabs a pair of shorts to go, lest he flashes his goods to the rest of the resort. A few minutes later, Tessa emerges in a ivory lace beach cover, her hair up in a high ponytail. The tan sets a sexy contrast against her skin and Scott can’t help himself, pulling her close to him in an embrace.

“You’re killing me, T.”

“Yeah? Like you stepping out in your briefs didn’t give me a heart attack?” she counters, raising an eyebrow.

“An eye for an eye?” he replies, grinning sheepishly.

“More like an eyeful,” she mutters, blushing.

He laughs. “You know, I’m not mad if you stare. In fact, I encourage it,” he whispers lowly into her ear, which prompts a half-hearted pinch on his side.

“You’re incorrigible.”

They are led to one of the isolated huts on top of a cliff overlooking the sea. The wind blows gently through their hair and Scott pulls her close to him. “This is something new, kiddo. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he says, staring straight in her eyes, trying to gauge her reaction.

She looks back at him head on. They are both aware the state of clothing or lack of it which is required during a couple’s massage. She bites her lower lip nervously. “I know. I'm okay,” she replies softly.

They are left in the hut with a towel on each bed, with the orders to strip out of their clothing for maximum comfort, per the masseuse’s word. Scott steals a look at Tessa, who is eyeing the towel nervously. “I can step out, if you want.”

Picking up the towel resolutely, Tessa shakes her head. “You don’t have to. But could you, maybe, turn around?” She asks shyly.

Smiling gently, Scott turns and ties the towel lowly around his waist, before stepping out of his shorts and briefs. “Do you need more time?”

“Urm, you can turn now.”

The sight that greets him hardens him to half mast. He silently thanks the hotel management for the micro towel which barely hides her torso. “I’m not gonna lie, kiddo, but I think this is going to be the hardest massage ever for me,” he says, awed. “Pun intended too.”

“Scott!”

“I told you, no holds barred.” He realises her eyes straying downward on his own towel around his waist and blushes at seeing his predicament.

“Maybe we should lie down and call them in?” she suggests, averting his eyes, her face giving the stop signs some heavy competition.

Scott tries his best to stop looking at her direction when they are told to lie on their front on the massage table. The scent of jasmine and ylang-ylang in the air heightens his senses, soothing and relaxing. He sees the masseuse lady gently laying a towel on Tessa’s back before removing the one around her body. The sideboob is enough to drive him crazy and he smashes his own face against the pillow in front of him to muffle a groan.

So maybe his own plan is backfiring a bit.

Throughout the entirety of the massage, he steals a look or two, groans a little, prompting a gentle, “are you okay, Sir?” by the masseuse. For a small-sized man, his grip is a little unapologetic. But that isn’t the source of Scott’s groans.

By the end of the massage, his body is scrubbed to every inch down to his toes. He’s not sure if it is his imagination, but he hears a moan from her when it comes to the scrub meeting his butt.

Unfortunately, he is ushered to leave the room for a soak in the coconut milk before Tessa does. He lifts his body up carefully from the bed, careful not to blind the poor masseuse with his goods.

“I’m going to the soaking tub. Meet you there?”

She turns her face to him, smiling serenely. He mentally pumps his fist, totalling up his brownie points in his head.

The soaking tub is filled with fragrant coconut milk which is supposed to do wonders to his skin and vitality. Rose petals are scattered on top, the scent slightly intoxicating. He’s feeling a bit lonely and is about to maybe do the Petit allegro in the water when Tessa appears, wrapped in a towel, her topknot messy with strands framing her face; basically his wet dreams come true.

“Can you turn around?” She asks shyly.

He obliges and turns his back to her wordlessly, standing straight due to the tightening in his groin. He hears the sound of fabric falling to the floor followed by a gentle splash of water. Fuck.

“You can turn back now,” he hears her gentle voice floating in the air.

His mind races. Tessa Virtue, the love of his life, the girl he had a crush on twenty two years ago, who grew up to be the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, is in the tub with him, naked.

“Are you okay, Scott?” She asks, concerned, maybe at the strangled look on his face.

She’s a vision, so perfect, even better than his dreams.

His face relaxes and Tessa’s follows suit. Once her panic is over, her eyes glaze over and her mouth drop, the lower her gaze goes, as if she could see his silhouette beyond the milky water. Like in a trance, she steps closer to him, and stops about two feet away.

“Hi,” she whispers, a nervous smile on her face.

“Hi, kiddo,” he replies softly, smiling gently down at her. He opens both arms. “You wanna come closer?”

She bites her bottom lip, and nods slowly. The water bobs gently above her chest level as she moves forward, creating a small wave between them. Their toes meet underwater, and Scott holds his breath.

“I want to try one thing.”

“What do you want, Tessa?” _Want me. Please._

She closes the distance between them, bringing her hands to cup his face, their eyes meeting. Raising on her toes, she brings her face closer to him to meet his lips in a soft kiss.

She kisses him like he is a wonder, tentative and sweet, slow and gentle. It is almost the same, or maybe different, than the one he experienced and has been missing ever since in Sochi. She nips, then pulls back slightly, then bites gently, before soothing his lip with her tongue.

Her teasing elicits a moan and the decision to tug her into his embrace, so tight he could feel her nipples pebbling on his chest. She gasps at the sudden movement, and he takes the opportunity to slide his tongue inside her warm mouth.

She tastes of strawberry and oranges from breakfast, sweet and slightly tangy. Her hands battling the strands of his hair, while he runs his down her back, squeezing her ass. His cock is trapped between their lower bodies, and the tip grazes her opening and -.

Overwhelmed by her lips, her tongue, her breasts on his chest and her warmth, he growls. He pulls back slightly, resting his forehead on hers, panting, the air between them hot. Her eyes are still close, her cheeks flushed, and her lips swollen.

“God,” he groans again. “I love you so much, baby,” he says earnestly, moments before realising his mistake.

Her eyes flash open and instead of resentment, he sees something akin to wonder, and cherish.

Her face relaxes and a shy smile blooms. “Thank you, for loving me.”

They are getting there, and this feels like another brand new start.


	20. Why have I been chasing happiness my whole life when bliss was here the entire time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some light smut for your reading pleasure. I get my inspiration from our lovely T&S doing their MR and Diamonds choreography. Consider yourself warned. 
> 
> P/S: I love you beautiful people. Thank you for reading :)

**_February 2016_ **

He almost didn’t see her all of January. Now that the first phase of his three-year plan had succeeded (convincing her on Pyeongchang), he needed to step up for the second phase: repairing their friendship.

She was busy right after coming back from Japan in preparation for Midori’s wedding. He was half wishing she would ask him to be her plus one. In Japan, he had casually brought the topic up.

She had shrugged. “I might just wing it and go alone. I’m going to be super busy being in the wedding party. Besides, maybe that way I could hook up with one of the groomsmen? Paul’s friends are pretty hot,” she had replied, staring off with a dreamy expression on her face.

“Hey, none of that stuff,” he had replied gruffly, trying to downplay his panic. The thought of her spending the night with another man made him ill. “We need to focus on Pyeongchang, remember?”

She frowned. “It’s one night, Scott.”

“That has never been your style, kiddo.”

“Well, maybe it’s time I improvise my style eh?”

_Please don’t_ , he begged to the universe.

“I know you’re the one in a steady relationship, let me have this,” she had joked, looking so excited.

_Here goes nothing_. “We broke up.”

Her smile dropped. “Oh, I’m sorry, Scott.”

“Don’t be.”

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

They didn’t talk about it. What was the point? He was getting over it. Kaitlyn was a nice girl, he had loved her at some point, but in the end it wasn’t enough. He didn’t want to feel more of an asshole. What could he tell her? _I broke up with Kaitlyn because I want to be with you, well, if you’ll have me?_

They reunited toward the end of January, for TSN filming in Halifax. She was constantly on the phone, texting Midori and her other girlfriends about the upcoming hen night. Left to his own devices, Scott decided to log into his long neglected Twitter before firing off a greeting to his followers.

She was pouting at her phone, most probably missing some of the things she could be doing with her friends. He wasn’t very close to Midori, and he admitted that he didn’t really hang out with any of her friends outside of skating. Most of his Ilderton friends were well acquainted with Tessa, as well as his sporting buddies, and when he thought about how selective he was when it came to knowing Tessa’s circle of friends, he felt bad.

“Hey,” he said, holding his phone up. She gave him a side glance, and he immediately snapped a photo, pout and all. Without thinking much about it, he updated his Twitter with that photo.

It was the first time he had posted a photo of her, alone.

“Hey,” she complained. “That wasn’t my best angle.”

“Nice duckface though.”

She rolled her eyes, before giving him a small smile.

For the comeback, they brainstormed with Marie-France and Sam on the best way to make an announcement. MF had a twinkle in her eyes when she suggested a comeback video and she claimed that she knew just the best person to direct it.

Natalie was starstruck at first, and confessed that she was always hoping the two of them would make a comeback. Now that her wish had come true, she visualised a concept where they’d be filmed doing an off-ice interpretation of Lessons by SOHN.

Tessa worried her bottom lip once the song had stopped playing. “Oh wow,” she exhaled. “I think I can pull it off, but isn’t it overly romantic?” She asked, looking at him for clarification.

The song was full of heartbreak and giving up on something. On learning beyond their mistakes. And of course, coming back hoping to be better.

He swore Natalie had one of those spooky powers on reading his mind.

The woman shrugged and looked at them “Well, your whole partnership is, so why not?”

He saw Tessa frowning. She shook her head. “We’re not like that. We’re just best friends.” The word ‘ _just_ ’ broke his heart a few times over. He merely nodded his head, reluctantly agreeing.

“It’s a lot but that can be your niche; are you or aren’t you. That’d be a good way to pull people in,” Natalie explained.

“Uh, we did that and we had a lot of backlash. A website claiming we have a secret daughter. Gossips about being involved with married people. Jealous girlfriends...” Tessa’s voice trailed off, giving him a side glance. “This time we just want to skate.”

He nodded again, feeling more and more like a bobble head.

“This time let’s make it subtle. Give it a try. I’ll scrap it off and start new if you don’t like it,” Natalie coaxed.

In the end, they had kind of liked it. It was a lot. It was the most romantic thing they had ever done together. It was the most romantic thing he had ever done, period. And it felt a little fucked up that the woman in question couldn’t even smile at him properly in real life.

* * *

 

**_2019_ **

“T?”

She hums in the darkness.

“Do you regret kissing me?”

It takes a few seconds before he hears her whisper. “No. I just didn’t think I’d ever be doing that again. Not after Sochi.”

Her words, spoken in soft whisper, reverberate within the room.

“Sometimes, when I let myself fall deep within a dream, I imagined kissing you, making love to you, being in a bed together with you. Sometimes, I could feel your love for me. I would feel so loved, but then I would tell myself, this is how far we go for now, there’s no way beyond this, you’d find yourself another woman and this would be another dream.”

He pushes himself up and pulls her to lie on her back. He cages her with his arms, and searches her eyes within the dark.

“Do you believe how much I am in love with you?”

She hesitates before nodding. “I do.” She doesn't have the slightest idea.

The urge to show her is overwhelming. “I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” he asks, his voice low as he stares into her eyes.

She bites her lip, nodding.

It is the only signal he needs before he swoops down to crush his lips against hers. If it was gentle and reacquainting in the spa earlier, this time it is plain hunger and lust. He projects years of pent-up yearning through the kiss, his lips bruising hers and his hands cradling her face.

Her own hands entangle in his hair, pulling him close, his body moulding against hers. How he had imagined being here with her, night after night, sending her off after their training or shows, back to her hotel room or condo. He dreamed of kissing her, worshipping her, adoring her…

The thought spurs him on and automatically, her legs fall open, and he presses forward. His constant state of semi arousal makes contact with her clothed pussy, and her lips fall open in a gasp, and he pulls back slightly to admire to sight before him.

Her writhing exposes her neck, one of his most favorite places to spend time on. He nuzzles the juncture between her shoulder and her neck, laving it with kisses, before licking the skin and sucking gently. Her hands making purchase of his shirtless torso, running down his shoulders to his pecs, her nails scratching his back, and her heels dig deeply into his ass.

“Tell me to stop, Tessa,” he whispers, pushing harder against her, earning a mewl, and he watches, mesmerised, as she flashes her eyes open, biting her lip, and shakes her head no.

“I need to hear you say it, baby.” He punctuates each word with a snap of his hip against her pelvis, and each time she squeezes harder on his ass.

“Don’t stop,” she gasps, shuddering a little.

He tugs impatiently at her camisole, pulling the thin strap down, and her chest comes into view. He stares at her reverently, and after years wondering, he finds that her nipples are dusty pink, almost exactly the same hue he had imagined in his dreams before. Without thinking, he swoops down and begins sucking on one pinkish tip.

Her moans ignites him further. “Help me,” she begs quietly, her hands grasping at his hips, bringing him impossibly closer.

“I got you,” he coos, reaching down between them, to rub the clothed nub and he continues grinding her, the fire in the pit of his belly stoking steadily. Her scent, the heady mixture of strawberry, vanilla, coconut from their scrub and essentially Tessa, drives him to the brink.

“Are you close, baby?”

He gets his answer in the form of her full-body shudder. Her eyes roll upward, the toes on his ass digging deeper and he jerks, kissing her roughly on the lips before resting his forehead on hers, coming once, twice, and his cock is still jerking before another spurt occurs.

Fuck, he had never come that hard fully clothed before. He would have cringed at the feeling of his hot come drenching his pyjama pants like a seventh grader if he isn’t so blissed out. Coming with Tessa as opposed to coming to her is like a religious experience. He is never going to find a similar one with another. Not again.

He nuzzles her nose, cheek, eyebrow, before capturing her lips in another searing kiss. He has left her breathless, and he’s grateful to be the one bringing her pleasure. He knows he will forever put her first; on ice, off ice, in bed, in life.

“There’s no more another for me, baby. You’re my dream and my reality. You’re my beginning and my ending. Whether in this lifetime or another, I will always love you, kiddo.”


	21. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. A bit angsty, a bit repetitive. But we women are creatures of habit and shit do we hold a grudge. Don't slap me please. I love all of you....

**_May 2016_ **

Tessa booked the 2016’s GMP trip to British Virgin Islands alone.

“I know you’d be reminded of last year’s GMP in Scotland so we can say no to this year’s,” she had said tentatively when they had received the email.

He nodded, thinking they were still not in the timeframe to go vacationing together. In another life, he’d kill to see her in a bikini again. “You should still go, T.”

She pondered for awhile. She went through the list of attendees and felt obligated to go, since they were one of the VIP athletes sponsored by GMP. “Yeah. I think I should still go.”

The days he spent alone in Ilderton were long and boring. He was used to spending hours with her training in Montreal, with her being the first face he saw every morning. He thought of her dancing in the sun, in her bikini, her pale skin turning a gorgeous tan, all the while wishing there was no single man in the entourage.

He braved himself to text her. They might not be back to their pre-Sochi terms, but he’d like to think she was opening up more to him.

_S: How’s the BVI?_

It took awhile before he got a reply. Maybe the sand and beach was too much of a distraction? He took a shower, ate dinner and right before watching Jeopardy (they were still not back to that pre-Sochi tradition of watching Jeopardy together), he got a reply.

_T: Gorgeous!_

That was it?

_You were talking about you?_ Too corny. Besides, he didn’t think they were there yet. He decided to talk about something safe. _Come on, T. Give a little,_ he prayed.

_S: How’s the food? You’re missing poached eggs already? Can you believe it snowed again? I’m so tempted to buy a ticket and join you right now._

It was another hour before he got a reply. He noticed it’d be 11 pm BVI time, as it was 10 pm Ontario time.

_T: The seafood! I do miss my poached eggs though. Sucks being you (referring to the snow). I’m sure you’re happy being back home for awhile. My love for Alma and Joe!_

He felt like a dick for being relieved that she had thought about messaging him that late at night, which only meant that she was back in her room, hopefully alone.

He stalked her instagram a bit, staring like a creep at some of her photos on the beach and wishing things were somehow different between them.

They met up in Boston to co-host Worlds 2016 with CBC Sports. It was non-stop travelling from there. Osaka for Stars on Ice then Geneva for Ice Legends. Back to back rehearsals and shows. Towards the end of their stay in Geneva, she was saying something about taking a walk to the Parc de la Grange.

“Let’s buy some water before the walk,” he said.

She looked surprised. Obviously she had thought about going alone. He didn’t care. He was all about invading her free time and space, one day at a time.

“I’m sure you have something you want to do with Maxim?”

“Yeah, we went out last night. I haven’t spent time with you outside of the rink in forever.”

She shrugged. “It’s going to be boring,” she warned him.

“Spending time with you is never boring, T.”

She gave him a closed-lip smile and didn’t comment further.

They walked to the park, which was conveniently located by the lake, talking about mundane things. How her recently launched Hillberg & Berk line was so much fun to create. And couldn’t wait for SOI to start since she was going to meet up with Poppy and family. He moaned about missing watching World Curling Champions.

“I’m sorry, you know. What happened between you and Kait.”

He was confused for a moment. Then it dawned on him. “I wanted to watch Ben. Their team won,” he replied gently.

She pursed her lips, not fully believing him. He did spend the better part of 2014 travelling around with Kaitlyn to curling tournaments. Along the way he picked up a thing or two about curling and had actually liked the sport.

Fuck, life was so complicated.

She took out her phone and snapped some photos of the surrounding. He offered to take one of her. She hesitated, then agreed.

“Let’s take a selfie, kiddo.”

She looked at him, surprised. “Yeah, why not.”

If he saw the photo on her Instagram the next day, he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t secretly pump his fist. First casual photo off the ice: check.

**_2019_ **

Last night was, for lack of a better word, perfect.

But he can’t help feeling things are still up in the air with the way she woke up earlier than he did and left him alone this morning. He found her sitting on the beach, watching the sunrise alone.

He isn’t worried. He knows she loves him. It showed from the way she had initiated the kiss in the tub. If only he could make her trust him with her heart again, then he’d be golden.

“I’m going to sound petty as fuck. But, why now?” She looks at him curiously.

Wow, she doesn’t hold back. He takes in a deep breath. “In order to fully understand the inner workings of my stupid self, it’s going to take the whole damn day.”

Her looks soften. “Why are you being so hard on yourself, Scott?”

“How do you manage to be so patient with me for the past 22 years, T?” he asks, looking at her in wonder.

She gives him a small smile. “Because someone’s gotta do the job,” she jokes.

“I appreciate it nonetheless.”

“And we do have the whole damn day,” she reminds him, gesturing to the people milling around them at the airport. It is travelling day, they are taking a flight from Trat Airport to Phuket, to begin the last leg of their journey.

He braces himself and grabs her free hand, which is not holding a cup of local coffee that she loves so much. He brings her hand to his lip, kissing her skin, and notices how her eyes flutter at the contact. “Just… trust me, okay? I’m going to tell you my truth, and it’s pretty ugly, and I don’t want it to hinder whatever development we’ve made for the past few days.”

That beautiful wondering gaze again, and it gives him hope. She bites her bottom lip (he had bitten it the night before, and it was as soft as he remembered) and nods, before leaning forward to give a butterfly kiss on his cheek, mindful of where they are, where physical intimacy in public is not really welcomed.

“Thank you,” he acknowledges, squeezing her hand for support.

“I was always told that you were like my little sister,” he begins. “I was to care for you, be your guardian, make sure you eat, beat up your bullies. All the good brotherly things. I know you had a crush on me and I tried not to let it fester. That was why I was such a chickenshit to you.”

She smiles at him kindly. “You weren’t so bad, Scott…”

He looks at her ruefully. “You don’t have to be kind to me, T. I always lashed out to you when practice went wrong. Then Bryce told me about how shit went down between him and Jess. I was even more convinced not to mess with you if we were to make it to the Olympics.”

“Was that the reason why you went radio silence for two months after I had kissed you?”

“Yes. And no. That was the first moment I realised I have some unbrotherly feelings for you.”

She nods, looking ahead. They haven’t talked about that night for so long.

“I am still sorry. In my defence, I was 21 and stupid. And I thought I was losing you anyway.”

She squeezes his hand. “I forgive you, Scott. And I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have put you in the spot. I could have called.”

“I broke your heart, T. You didn’t have to do anything.”

“Scott, you’re my best friend first before anything else. I should have just pulled on my big girl panties and called you first.”

He groans, somehow inconveniently brought back to last night. “Don’t talk about panties, T. Especially your big girl’s ones.”

She chuckles, hitting him in the arm. “Hey, concentrate.” They exchange looks. “Well, I guess, then came Jessica and Cassandra.”

He looks sheepish. “I was a boy with a raging hormone. I needed to channel all that frustration after skating to a sexually-charged routine with you to someone. I needed to feel normal, I guess. Everybody I knew was dating somebody in the skating world. We had Vancouver to think about. Then Sochi.”

“Even after Sochi, you didn’t want to think about me,” she says quietly.

“You were all I thought about, T.”

She exhales, before pulling her hand free. “Please don’t be mad. In the spirit of coming clean, this is my truth,” she says softly. “I used to think you were not attracted to me. Jessica was like this older girl with unlimited experience, and I heard you told your friend about her, and I had felt so inadequate. Cassandra was in a beauty pageant and she was so thin and pretty. I just… I wasn’t in a good place before Sochi. I wanted to win your affections, but you were so busy being mad at me, about my paranoia, my insecurities…”

Scott shakes his head. Why didn’t he see that his partner had needed reassurance?

“Then when you broke up, I thought I would just try my luck, one last time,” she concludes, her face emotionless.

He tries to take her hand again, which she subtly deflects. He sighs. “Sochi messed up with my head.”

“You can’t pretend you didn’t know what I meant when I had said that before we skated, Scott.”

“I did. I do. I go back to your words every single day,” he pleads softly.

“Which led you to Kaitlyn, of course,” she says bitterly.

“I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be with you. I was spiralling. I thought I had disappointed you, T.”

She smiles grimly. “I didn’t think you were doing too poorly when you were planning your whole life with her, Scott.”

He bends his head down, frustrated. “I thought you deserved better, okay? I still think you deserve all the best things in the world but dammit, I want to be _your_ best thing,” he says, looking up into her green eyes, trying his damn best to convey his conviction.

“When a door closes, knock on it a few times. But if it still doesn’t open, let it stay closed,” she quotes lowly. “And your door remained closed, Scott. For 19 fucking years. You’d think a girl would actually get a clue and move on. I did. Seeing you with Kaitlyn, especially in Scotland, was the best thing that could have happened to me. It showed me that Scott Patrick Moir shouldn’t be the only man I was capable of loving.”

Her tone isn’t unkind, but she is telling her truth and her truth fucking hurts.

“I shouldn’t but I want to be the only one. I’m selfish, T. I saw the text Ryan had sent you back in Japan, before our comeback. You had something with him. You gave him a part of you that I selfishly wanted to myself.”

“Because you said no to me! You chose others over and over again. I saw you year after year, making out with Jessica, grabbing Cassandra’s ass, making candlelight dinner for her, kissing Kaitlyn in the dark, getting all domestic with her, making wedding fucking plans, so excuse me for giving Ryan a part of myself. At least _he_ had wanted _me_ ,” she rants, trying to keep her voice low.

He pulls her coffee cup away and put it on the table in front of them. He grabs both her hands, bringing them to his chest. He can't stand the distance and rests his forehead on hers, trying to calm her down. “Tessa. I can’t make you unsee all the things in the past, T. How do we move on from this?”

She exhales. “I’m just being dumb, Scott. I’m puzzled and wary, because I was ready for something else but you. But you being here now, reminded me of the things in the past but you’re _you_ , and I want _so much_ with you too,” she confesses.

“No. You’re not dumb, T. How could the brightest woman I know call herself dumb? I have a feeling you’ve been repressing some things. I’m happy to take whatever you’re willing to give me, baby. _I_ want to give _you_ so much. Again, you do know how much I love you, do you?”

This time, she doesn’t hesitate when she leans forward and lands a soft kiss on his lips. His heart unclenches. “I do.”


	22. And what will I be able to do tomorrow that I cannot yet do today?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the flashback this chapter. Posting this now to avoid further delay. Tell me what you think and what's your favorite movie?

_**August 2016** _

Stars on Ice went off without a hitch. He managed to rope her into going golfing on her birthday during their stop in Kelowna, and he was pleased with the result.

“I’m gonna miss you when you’re in Huron,” he said, picking up her luggage from the conveyor belt.

She crinkled her eyes, mostly in disbelief. “Really? I thought you’d be tired of seeing my face for the past month.”

“Yeah well, I’m used to seeing that face. Not seeing it for the next few weeks is going to be different,” he responded, gesturing to her face, smiling a little.

She laughed. “Aww, Scott. You’re gonna have the best time back in Ilderton before our big move. Enjoy the time with your family.”

“And that farewell party. Don’t forget, you’re one of the guests of honor.”

Her genuine gentle smile resurfaced. “I won't forget. Not for anything in the world.”

For their official big move to Montreal, the whole Moir clan had decided to throw them a party. Tessa had scored them two apartments within the same building in a walking distance from Gadbois.

“You don’t mind? I don’t want to cramp your style. They are on different floors so I think you should be fine,” she had said, when asking for his opinion.

“T, I’m going to be the one bringing you coffee before practise. So we’d better be in the same damn building.”

“Bold of you to assume that I’m not going to start anew in a brand new place. Maybe I’m going to be the one picking up my own coffee.”

He had laughed, albeit nervously. “I’d believe it when I see it.” He scrutinised the phrase ‘start anew’ with a whole lot of thoughts.

She showed up a day before the party to help Alma and Cara with the shopping. “I’m gonna lend them my muscles. Rest assured no cooking will be done by yours truly. So put away your Pepto Bismol, everybody,” she had announced, to the laughter of his brothers and their wives.

“Thank God for small miracles. I was getting a tad bit worried about hurting your feelings there, T,” he joked.

She stuck out her tongue at him before pivoting on her heels, slipping her arm around Tessa 2 to discuss some recipes she might be capable of pulling off. He watched her leave the room and felt a rush of gratitude that they were there, surrounded by their families, who were sending them off to yet again, chase their dreams.

“I don’t think anybody was ever given a third chance fallen into their lap like you are, Scotty,” Charlie said, slinging his arm around his shoulder. “You do know that this is it, right? If you miss this, then you won’t get a fourth? She’s at her prime age, looking more beautiful than ever, you’d better count your lucky stars, brother.”

He nodded, humbled by his brother’s words. It was kind of absurd how oblivious he was to the things that he could have had. And he could have missed. The kitchen was filled with voices of Moir women and children, and an honorary Moir, whom he hoped would be a permanent fixture in their family in the future.

The Moirs broke up into groups, directions given by Cara, the captain of the ship. Tessa, Carol and Danny were sent off to the supermarket. He had the table and canopy setting duty. Charlie won the rock, paper, scissors and he was awarded with a pair of tongs, an apron and a beer holder.

After making sure that everything was in place and she was given the assignment for the next day, Tessa excused herself to leave for the night. Alma protested, offering up Scott’s room on a whim.

She wrinkled her nose. “And give his future girlfriend more ammunition against me? No thanks, momma Moir. I think I’ll pass,” she joked, making funny faces at him.

He could feel his heart deflating.

“I’ll call once I’m home. Don’t worry, Alma. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” she continued in haste, shouldering her trusty Chanel slingbag, went around to leave kisses on everybody’s cheek.

“We can go to my place, T,” he offered as he walked her to her car.

She gave him a sideway glance. “Nah. It’s really okay, Scott.”

“Come on, T. I need somebody to break in the guest room furniture.”

“I just kissed everybody’s cheeks with the full intention of going back to London. What are they going to say?”

“Well, you haven’t kissed mine so I think we’re okay.”

In the end, she relented. “I’m going to be the asshole guest and go directly to the guest bedroom since I’m so wiped out,” she warned.

He shrugged. He was just grateful that she had agreed to spend the night at his place, although under a lot of pestering. He just wanted to plant the seed in her brain that she was always welcomed at his place, because he did build it with her in mind.

June came and went by with the chaos of moving trucks and lakes and training. Looking at their schedules synched together on his iPhone gave him some sort of a renewed spirit. More days together than apart. Weekends were left empty.

Their first weekend in Montreal, he had woken up slightly later, just enjoying the summer breeze. Around 9, he went down to her floor in a pair of sweats, hoping to entice her with breakfast. His knock went unanswered.

A few minutes later, he saw her on Insta in a t-shirt with the word ‘Mood’ across her chest, a cup of coffee in her hand.

He texted her. _Bring me back a cup please._

_Hi! Morning,_ she replied. _Will do!_

_You were not kidding when you said you’re starting anew, eh?_

_Never underestimate me, Moir._  
  
_Never, T. See you later._

The next week, right when he was about to beat her to the door, his Insta notified him of another update from Tessa. Baguettes and peonies. He threw his shoulders back because some conversation needed to happen.

“Hey!” she said, surprised to see him at her door, which was odd, since apart from Gadbois and her apartment, he had never really ventured out to anywhere else for the past two weeks.

“We need to lay some ground rules.”

Her smile dimmed a little. “Uh oh.”

“Yes, uh oh. How could you leave me hanging, two weeks in a row, Virtue?”

“Um?”

“Kiddo, I’m kinda hurt you’re not including me in your weekend escapades,” he confessed, pouting a little for extra effect.

Her face softened. “I’m sorry, Scott. I guess I’m just used to exploring alone for the past couple of years.”

His heart chipped a little at her words. While he was playing house with Kaitlyn, he had tried to push all thoughts of her out from his mind, especially her confession back in Sochi. “But I’m here now. We promised to do this together. Conquering Montreal. Besides, I’m lost here alone, kiddo. I kinda need your help especially with my sucky French.”

She laughed. “Oh God. Fine. Put that pout away. You want some coffee?”

From then on their weekend adventures in Montreal commenced.

Little by little, he managed to weasel his way into her life again. He started bringing coffee to her door before practice. Cooking dinner together at her place.   
Until that final weekend in August.

“Text me when you land.”

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. She chucked a pair of sunglasses into her backpack and a book, just in case. “Scott, I’ve travelled alone plenty of times before. And it’s only Toronto. Chill.”

“I know.” _Just, don’t hook up with any groomsman please_ , he silently pleaded.

He stole a look at her opened luggage. A silk robe. Strings and even more strings. Stilettos. Fuck.

He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even further.

“Why do you look so ill?” she frowned, zipping her bag up. Her Uber was on the way.

“Don’t talk to strangers, okay?”

“8 out of 10 there’d be more strangers than people that I do know so I think that’s kinda absurd, isn’t it?”

He sighed, picking up her luggage and together they walked to her front door. “Just, I’m gonna miss you. It’s not gonna be the same,” he said softly.

He felt her arms enveloping him from behind. His heart stuttered a little, it had been awhile for her to initiate any off-ice physical contact between them. “I’ll miss you too,” she said quietly. “You wanna hang out with me at Huron after HPC? I was thinking of going down there for a bit to unwind.”

He was so surprised by the invitation that he couldn’t speak for awhile.

She tensed slightly and loosened her arms around him. “No pressure,” she added, as an afterthought.

Coming down to his senses, he grabbed both hands around his waist to hold it there. “I want to. I’ll drive,” he replied quickly.

His racing thoughts accompanied him as he went to the Atwater to browse. Also when he had to cook dinner alone, he glanced at his phone, willing for it to ring. It finally went off a few minutes before he went to bed, signaling a massage in his inbox.

_I made it. Quit fretting, old man._

He replied with a grumpy face emoji. Followed by a heart. For her, he’d be willing to brave the emoji scroll.

The next day was pretty intense, in his opinion. He started with a jog, of course after texting her a coffee cup emoji. It took her awhile to reply, might be due to the drinking activities associated with the night of the big event.

_I expect photos of you in the bridesmaid get up. And of course photos of the lucky couple._ He texted, in hopes to continue the chain of texting.

He made breakfast, subconsciously making poached eggs. He almost grabbed two mugs to pour his coffee before remembering that he was alone. He did his laundry, made lunch and cleaned a little, with his Spotify playing the latest top 40, which was Tessa’s favorite playlist.

_I remember when you were all mine_   
_Watched you changing in front of my eyes_   
_What can I say?_   
_Now that I'm not the fire in the cold_   
_Now that I'm not the hand that you hold_   
_As you're walking away_

The baritone voice of James Arthur hit his eardrum. The words struck a chord in his chest and suddenly he felt like pushing his iHome off the table.

His phone dinged and he opened to a photo of her, standing by a doorway in a gorgeous teal dress, her hair in a high ponytail, looking beautiful as always. She had on a full toothy grin, holding up two OK signs with each hand, looking dorky, totally an appropriate photo to send to a platonic friend.

_Rockin’ it, T! Looking gorgeous, as usual_. He replied nervously, trying not to sneak a sappy tone into the text. She was having fun with her friends, meeting new people, there was no place in her day to text somebody who wanted more than he deserved.

_Thank you. I’m so happy for her. I’m glad I could be here, living vicariously through her. Thank you for giving me this weekend although HPC is around the corner._

_Midori’s wedding is a big deal, T. You don’t have to thank me. I’m glad you could spend today with her._

As an afterthought, he sent another text.  _Take care of yourself. I miss you._

He sat to watch Casablanca which was playing on TV. The last time he had watched it was with Tessa, a few years back, before Vancouver. He had remembered laughing at how she could quote every single line of the movie. And he remembered how he had to comfort her as she cried when Rick had to force Ilsa into the plane to follow her husband.

Looking back, he didn’t think he’d ever have the strength to see the love of his life leave with another man.

The clock struck midnight, and he released a heavy sigh, before heading to his bedroom, the screen of his phone dark.

_Will you call me to tell me you're alright?_   
_'Cause I worry about you the whole night_   
_Don't repeat my mistakes, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside_   
_If you're home I just hope that you're sober_   
_Is it time to let go now you're older?_   
_Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside_

He went into the motion of brushing his teeth and switching off all the lights. He was still wide awake, he didn’t think he would catch a wink that night. He was turning down the bed when his phone dinged with a message.

_Checking in to let you know that I’m safe in my room. I only had two drinks. HPC in two days!?! Good night, Scott. And I miss you too._

He drifted off to sleep a few minutes later, a smile on his face and a pair of green eyes in his mind.


	23. Whatever this feeling is - this is what I have been praying for.

**_2019_ **

Their talk at the airport has highlighted a few facts that he is already aware of; she had lost hope about building a romantic relationship with him after Scotland, losing her trust in him regarding the matters of the heart. She also made it clear she didn’t expect anything beyond platonic realm after Pyeongchang with him.

The fact that he was VERY CLOSE to losing her permanently is very sobering.

Since then she has been open to his affection; so he’s kicked up his touchy-feelyness a few notches. She hasn’t initiated their physical connection, but she is not pulling away either.

So he’s eating it all up. He’d take however much she’s shelling out for him. It’s crazy how much he is craving her touch.

She is silent in her observation. He’d give anything to read her mind. Like what she is dreaming about right now, as her closed eyes move involuntarily behind her lids. Scott watches is amazement that even in sleep, she manages to steal his breath away.

She lets out a small gasp, as her grip on their blanket tightens. She writhes a little, and he wonders what she is dreaming, before her moan turns into sniffles.

He panics, as she reaches out a little, and her sniffles turn into whimper. He reaches out to cup her cheek, rubbing it gently, trying to rouse her.

“T? Baby?” he coos, running a hand through her hair. Slowly she comes to, blinking those emeralds and Scott notices the moment her consciousness hits her; her eyes widen and her breath hitches.

“Scott?” her voice small, vulnerable.

“It’s me, baby. You’re ok. It was just a dream,” he says, trying to sooth her worry away.

Her face relaxes. Her eyes darting between his, and she runs a hand in between his strands.

“You call me ‘baby’ different,” she murmurs, wondering.

He smiles. She’s getting it. It gives him great joy to be able to call her that. “How so?” he plays along.

“It sounds so… revered,” she whispers, biting her lip. “When you say it to me.”

“I don’t ever want you to think I didn’t mean the sentiment that tags along with it,” he says, playing with her brow, and her eyes flutter close.

A smile blooms on her lips, dare he say, she looks relieved.

And slowly, her breathing calms, and the next thing he knows, she’d drifted off to sleep again.

Chuckling, he lowers his head to kiss each of her lids.

In the morning, he finds her side of the bed empty and hears the tap running in the bathroom. He wakes up, bleary eyed, when the door to the bathroom opens, revealing Tessa in her Adidas yoga getup.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, miss,” he mutters, a serene smile on his face.

She grins shyly, leaning against the doorway. “Yoga on the beach?”

Railay is really one of the most beautiful beaches that he has been to. Not to say that he has been to a lot, but this place is pretty special. Maybe the person that he’s here with makes it all the more memorable.

He’s been to a few yoga session with Tessa back in Canada. He likes it, stretching his muscles and at the same time, taking the opportunity to ogle the beauty that is his dance partner.

It is still pretty early, the sun is barely off the horizon. He spots a few yogis stretching by the waters. Tessa greets them, her smile genuine and happy. She immediately arranges herself into a mountain pose, eyes closed, looking so serene in the light of dawn.

He whips out his phone and takes a photo, then he is brought back to a moment a few years ago.

_“You’re always taking photos, kiddo.”_

_“As a token in case i don’t have this anymore tomorrow,” she replied._

He wishes and prays that he would have this, always.

Later, they are strolling down the beach, hand in hand, dipping their toes in the water, trying to wind down from the yoga.

“It’s so weird not seeing you with your phone,” he says, smiling.

She laughs. “I’m on social media hiatus. I thought you knew.”

Ah, he thinks. Makes sense that her Instagram has been quiet since the beginning of the trip.

“Why is that? You were still online when you were in Paris with Jordan last year.”

She looks away, tell-tale sign she’s hiding something from him. “I just wanted to step away from that for awhile.”

He tugs at her hand. “You didn’t want people to know that we’re in Thailand together?”

She shrugs. “I figured it’d be easier. I don’t want the fans to go crazy. And you know, hurt your chances.”

He exhales. “I need to come clean. I posted your photos on mine. In the elephant sanctuary and during yoga just now. Guess _I’m_ hurting your chances now, eh?”

He can tell that she is stunned silence. She looks up. “You’ve never done that before,” she wonders, her voice soft.

“And you stopped,” he replied. Once The Thank You Canada Tour was over, she has ceased putting any photos of him on her Instagram, and slowly the usage of their iconic hashtag had been waning.

That was among one of his wake up calls. Apart from her browsing for one-way flight tickets to halfway across the globe from him, for a single passenger.

“I wanted to protect you, T,” he continues gently. He doesn’t want her to be compared to his exes, and he is admittedly frustrated that Internet lasts forever. There are definitely some photos he wishes he could purge from the web.

He is just thankful he doesn't have any reminder of her with any of her exes, caught in a liplock, or worst yet, ass-grabbing each other. He can't say the same for him, and it serves as a reminder that hindsight is 20/20. 

She looks down, her toes kicking the sand gently. “I just…”

“You’d given up on me,” he cuts in, smiling ruefully.

She sighs, looking up to stare directly into his eyes. “I didn’t want people to think I was staking my claim on you. The fans were already saying that I did,” she confesses.

He pushes a piece of stray hair and cups her cheek. “Baby, you didn’t have to do anything and still you have a claim on me.”

She blushes, smiling gently. “I don’t want to claim nor own you, Scott.”

“Too bad, kiddo, cause you own me, heart and soul,” he replies nonchalantly, the corner of his lip tugging upward.

“You’re cheesy,” she accuses playfully, still blushing.

“Only with you. You know that,” he reminds her, pulling her into his arms.

She snuggles up under his chin, and immediately he feels at peace. A kiss on his neck sets his heart aflutter. “I know.”


	24. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We were so lucky to be given so much content for the past few weeks. Hopefully we won't be deprived too badly during the holidays. Do tell me what you think of this chapter :)

**_2017_ **

The news of his homeboy Cale’s death hit him hard. It came right before their skate in NHK in November. Tessa had pulled him aside, telling him it was okay for them to forfeit but he was adamant to skate. By the end of their SD, they had skated perfectly, knowing gold was in their hands.

“I’m proud of you,” she had said, and his only answer was to smile and pull her close in his embrace.

It was his most lacklustre response to winning, and he was going through the motion as Tessa packed both their skates to get back to the hotel. Once back in his room, he fell on the bed and stared out the window.

Life was too short for Cale.

“Scott?”

He snapped out of his meanderings to see Tessa still in her gym gear. They didn’t bother showering in the arena.

“I rescheduled our flights. We’re leaving in two hours. And I got you a flight to London, leaving from Montreal,” she said, already marching to the wardrobe and pulling out his luggage.

He nodded. He kept on watching as Tessa removed his clothes from the hangers and proceeded to fold them into his luggage. Then she went into the bathroom to retrieve his toiletries.

“Do you need anything else, kiddo?” she asked gently, sitting down next to him on the bed.

It had been awhile since she had last called him that.

“Can I hug you, T?”

Her face crumpled, like she was the one losing a childhood friend, and he knew then, she was feeling his pain too. She wrapped her arms around him, cradling his head on her neck, his tears soaking up her shirt.

They flew back home, without Romain and Patrice, this time with Tessa sitting by his side; the first time in three years. Earlier, for their flight to Japan, he did plead his case, only for her to sit next to Romain, discussing the newest ISU grading.

He should have thanked Cale for making one of his wishes come true, right from the other side.

Tessa had sent her condolences, and the both of them had donated a few of their memorabilia in Cale’s name to the charities of the family’s choice.

January passed by with training filling their days. They won Nationals in Ottawa and they returned to Montreal to prep for Four Continents. In the mean time he was busy putting the final touches for the grand opening of their family’s skate shop in London.

“I’m so proud of you, Scott,” she repeated, as she gave him a hug at the airport. His smile was so wide; his sense of achievement magnified by Tessa’s words. She had been his guiding hand throughout the whole process; scouting the best location in London to set up shop, going through the contracts with suppliers and weighing the pros and cons of certain decisions.

“Send my love to everybody.”

“You can still come with me, you know.”

“You know I’m fully behind you on this but I don’t want to retract the attention from the grand opening,” she re-explained, for the umpteenth time.

Scott pouted. He had a surprise planned for her, but he understood her reasoning. Alone, they attract attention individually. Together, all eyes would be on them. It wouldn’t be fair to Paul and to the shop, although all the Moirs had insisted for her to be there.

Early morning after the grand opening, he woke up to a text from Tessa.

_T: You put Mahler in your shop??_

He smirked. He knew she would stalk the shop’s Facebook page.

_S: Yep. The inspiration for everything, really._

It took her a few minutes to reply.

_T: We have a pretty awesome career, eh?_

He knew she was being purposely obtuse.

_S: And I have a pretty awesome partner too._

He spent a couple of days in Ilderton to finalise some details regarding the shop’s website and shipping. It was during lunch before he took the train back to Montreal when Cara dropped the question.

“Hey, Scott. Is Tessa back with Ryan?”

He could feel the blood drained from his face. “What?”

Cara looked at him carefully. “She’s been liking some of Ryan’s Instagram photos. Is she back with him?”

His heart pounded. He honestly didn’t know. He thought they had been spending most of their time off ice together, so he should know if she was dating someone. “I don’t know, Cara.”

She paused, squeezing his hand a little. “Are you okay, Scott?”

He stared at his steak, his appetite gone. He felt like calling Tessa and demanded an answer. He felt anxiety seeping in. “I’m not too sure.”

He decided not to say a thing because they had to concentrate on Four Continents. He waited for her to mention Ryan to him, but she went on as usual with training.

A new Korean restaurant was launched in March, and after their Four Continents in Pyeongchang, Scott was hooked with the Korean BBQ.

“Want to go there this weekend?”

Tessa gave him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I got plans this weekend.”

It has been awhile since she got plans on the weekend that didn’t involve him.

“Oh. No worries, T. Got a date?”

She smiled. “Sorta. An old friend.”

_That was helpful_ , he thought sarcastically.

That weekend, he spent time at Bergy Baseball hitting out his frustration.

After Worlds, he returned home to Ilderton to spend some time with his sick grandpa while Tessa went to Paris with her mother. He was watching Moulin Rouge with GMac when the thought of Tessa as Satine crossed his mind.

“This would make a good program for you both, Scotty,” he had said.

“Yeah?”

His grandpa coughed a little. The chills was always getting to him. Scott made to tuck the blankets tighter around him. “You can start with the tango and end with that sentimental note, Come What May.”

“You think Tessa would like that?”

“She has done everything you’ve asked of her so far, hasn’t she?”

That pretty much loaded question set him back quite a bit.

“Don’t waste time on something you’re not certain, Scotty. If you want something, go for it.”

“What if I don’t deserve what I want, grandpa?”

“Then you do your darn best to deserve her.”

His grandpa wasn’t one to mince words. He felt himself blushing a little. Thirty and still had no clue on how to get his life together.

When GMac passed away at the end of April, she was there in the background, helping Alma arranging the dishes brought by their neighbors for his grandpa’s wake. She had given him a squeeze on his shoulder when passing by him and had stood with her mother at the back row, together with his Ilderton friends. He had wanted for her to stand next to him, but what reasons did he have to put her by his side?

_If you want something, go for it, Scotty._ His grandpa’s words reverberated in his head.

The next day, he went out for one of the most important purchase in his life. He came back with a small box in his pocket, and a full determination to gift it to the rightful owner when the appropriate time came.


	25. On hiatus. Maybe pulled? :)

Hi lovelies. Most of us have been enlightened to the recent news regarding our beloved duo tonight. I won't lie and say I'm disappointed. But I guess that's life, eh, it won't always go as we hope. Anyway, the inspiration of this story came from their portrayal on mass media and on ice, therefore I feel a bit lost after tonight. I'm going to leave this up for a few days, then maybe I will pull this story down next month. This is in respect of T, S and their potential SOs, which I think would be a bit unfair and off putting to them.

Trust me, my heart is a bit broken like yours too. Til in the next realm, it was lovely knowing you and having you guys as my readers.

(I'm going to nurse my broken heart by watching Netflix and deleting Tumblr app from my phone hahhaha).

Love,   
Adia.


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